Guest Author - Marjorie Bishop

You’ve been properly (hopefully) introduced to everyone at the party, get-together or other function. Now what? It is time to be a good guest by mingling; or if this is a business gathering, networking. How do you act? What subjects should you discuss? What subjects should remain taboo until you know them better? Are there any subjects that should always be taboo? There are general guidelines on how to behave at various functions including how to mingle. All of these are based on common sense and common courtesy.

If you are being introduced to the family of a friend or new significant other the question of taboo subjects becomes very important. I don’t know about other areas of the country, but here in the south you should be prepared to play a version of “Twenty Questions” in which you are the sole contestant. The only way you can win is by downplaying your more controversial opinions and focusing on those that are similar to your hosts. You should also be able to discuss the weather, food, latest news (unless your opinions are extremely controversial), your job or school, and any mutual friends (no gossip please). Stay away from religion, politics, philosophy and other issues where people have strong opinions. If you are confronted with specific questions try to be as generic as possible with your answers until you get to know everyone better. At this point you will learn which subjects you never want to discuss in depth. You want to be welcomed back to this home so don’t trod on their belief system. No matter how misguided you believe them to be.

A party, where there will usually be many people with very different ideas and beliefs, is much easier. Once you’ve been introduced; and have spoken briefly with those people, you can begin mingling to discover those you would like to get to know better. At the same time, you can try to introduce people to others whose company you believe they would enjoy. Remember that the latest news, the weather, the food, the music, mutual friends and the atmosphere are all excellent topics for quiet discussion. Religion, politics and other “opinionated” subjects should be left for another time since not everyone will have your ability to debate quietly while agreeing to disagree. At no time are loud arguments, physical confrontations or drunkenness considered appropriate behaviors. Being a good and thoughtful guest insures that you will, not only be invited to more parties and events; but that no party or event will be complete without your presence.

Business functions, while always requiring the basic rules of good etiquette, are naturally different in purpose. Everyone present at a business function already share a common bond since they are all a part of the the business. However, some subjects are still taboo. Personal beliefs in religion, politics and other areas are, for obvious reasons, personal. While making new friends within the company is to be encouraged, use your own time for more in depth, philosophical discussions. Use the time during this function to increase your value to the company by networking with other departments to further communication and productivity. Whether the function is a meeting, a dinner, a party or a company sponsored event you are a representative of your company and should act accordingly. Remember, too, another difference between a company gathering and one that is purely social: loud, vulgar, obnoxious, drunken or violent behavior will not only insure that you won’t be welcome at the next function, such behavior will also insure that you won’t be welcome as an employee either.

Use courtesy and good sense where ever you may be. Think about how your actions will reflect on who you are and the ideals that you, personally, embrace. Remember to “Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; hate less, love more; and all good things are yours.” ~Swedish Proverb