Stepmothers usually end up with the role of preparing meals and snacks for all the children in the blended family. Issues around food and children’s eating are concerns of particular focus today with childhood obesity becoming a larger problem every year. However, even without the recent focus, household rules on mealtimes and snack times are important topics in planning for the family.

Fathers, in blended and typical families, are usually more generous when it comes to granting snacks, sometimes because they are less invested in meal preparation, sometimes because they are not in tune with appetites, and sometimes because they are more easily convinced to give in to an indulgence. The stepmother may be able to gain some ground by asking for cooperation, but experience has it that you will not be able to depend on a joint front without some planning.

One way to make snack requests and compliance more comfortable is for you as ‘head of the kitchen and refrigerator’ to establish a shelf in the refrigerator which is ‘free for the taking’. This ‘free’ shelf can include fruits, vegetable slices or sticks, and leftovers when appropriate. The idea is to provide a way for children to take care of their own snacking requests, which eliminates tiresome arguing or asking one parent and then another. Items on the ‘free’ shelf are ‘healthy’ foods, the sort of food a person who is truly hungry will appreciate. Sugary treats, chips, or other special occasion treats are not included on the ‘free’ shelf.

The idea is to have the children in charge of snacking when they are truly hungry without spoiling mealtime appetites and to take you, the stepmother, out of the uncomfortable position of deciding when a snack is acceptable. By having the ‘free’ shelf and explaining the plan with your spouse, you are more likely to have his cooperation when it comes to snacking rules.

As with managing other behaviors, especially in situations in which you are enforcing rules, it’s particularly important to take the time out to fully discuss the rules and your thinking behind the rules--that you want the children to be in charge without ruining mealtime appetites—and that you will be responsible to see that the ‘free’ shelf is regularly supplied. It’s also important that when you state the new snacking rules, you are calm and positive, even humorous, if you can. The children and your spouse will follow your lead. If you are positive and reliable, you are likely to have cooperation.