You may be wondering why the Sci-fi critic is reviewing an Indiana Jones film, after all, the other three fit nicely into the action/comedy genre. Well, folks, get ready because Indy is going sci-fi much to the chagrin of this reviewer.

When you think of Indiana Jones you think of an adventurer and archaeologist, a man of academics that also happens to be pretty handy with a whip and pistol. What you will get in the Crystal Skull is a tired, worn out Ford who has to phone in most his lines. His age has nothing to do with his performance. Keep in mind that Connery was 59 when he played Indy’s father in The Last Crusade and he delivered every line with a note of sincerity that masked the fact that he was only about twelve years older than our hero!
Ford looks completely haggard and lifeless even his voice does not match with his previous incarnations of the character. The humiliation doesn’t stop there.

Lucas and Spielberg have officially gone off the deep end. The script is so unbelievable that it makes you wonder how awful the Indian Jones and the Lost City of Atlantis script really was. I suppose Spielberg’s hatred of water scenes flushed that hope down the drain - so to speak. Not to mention in Atlantis Shia Labeouf couldn’t swing a la Tarzan with monkeys – and yes that happens in this film. Here is the short list of other things that “happen” in this film – Jones survives an atomic blast, flesh eating killer ants attack, dull one-liners that make you wish for Jar Jar Binks to show up, CGI prairie dogs that seem ready to break out into “I’m Alright” and oh yes, aliens. Things that don’t occur in this film are any semblance of real archaeology, earnest acting and a sense of fun or wonder.

Some of you may be thinking that the search for the Holy Grail, the Ark of the Covenant or even the sacred Sankara stones is far fetched. The difference lies in the treatment of the subject matter. Each was credible because the characters made them such through great acting and dialogue. All three “props” are steeped in religious mythos and while two of them, the Ark and the Grail, have yet to be discovered, there are historical documents that at the very least suggest they once existed while sacred Sankara stones in fact do exist.

However, the Crystal skulls while interesting and mysterious had been proven as early as 1897 to be of 19th century origin and not from the pre-Columbian era at all. Lucas and Spielberg obviously acquired their Skull stories from such archaeology hacks as Mitchell-Hedges who claimed to obtain a skull in 1924 from Belize (where was the looting law on that one?), new age guru and “crystal skull expert” Jaap Van Etten and ex-NASA conspiracy theorist Richard C. Hoagland! At the end of the day, Lucas and Spielberg are trying to fit a modern day interpretation of a known hoax into a plausible 1957 style adventure film. The result is a lazy script and in this archaeologist’s opinion an unforgivable mockery of a beloved American icon!

Suspension of disbelief aside, die hard Indy fans will be very disappointed. There are numerous continuity mistakes throughout the film such as Indy not using his whip in obvious situations as if our director forgot he even had it with him for the scene. Indy’s back-story of his last 19 years was thin at best as well as the Russian plot to use the skulls for “mind control”. Utter garbage.

One other note, some small children (about 2-7 YO?) who attended were extremely frightened during one scene in particular. Perhaps it is time for Holly-would to be more responsible with it’s marketing and stop enticing small children with Indy on Pop-tart Boxes and M&M packages. This film is definitely not for small children and parents should use caution.


I leave you with words of Gene Roddenberry,
“No, ancient astronauts did not build the pyramids - human beings built them because they're clever and they work hard.”