Guest Author - Paula Petrie

To be emotionally intelligent children need to learn about feelings; and, have plenty of practice navigating their own feelings and reactions. They also need empathy for the emotions of others to interact socially at school, at play, and at home.

Kids need to respect how they themselves, and others feel; but, not be so lost inside emotion that they no longer weigh it with reason. And, not become so reasonable that they give allow feelings any consideration. Children need both reason and emotion working together, for understanding and problem solving. To grasp how important this issue is, consider how often teens are perilously lost to (or victims of) their own emotions.

I think for children to achieve EI success they need constant support, and ongoing discussions with their parents; maybe the best way to help our kids is just to talk and share with them. But, add as many great examples to follow as we can muster. We all know the saying, "If you treat a child with kindness, the child will learn to be kind." Let's try kind, empathetic, considerate...

Ways to help children develop Emotional Intelligence skills to deal with their own feelings include:

Developing a strong self-awareness

Helping children understand their emotions, the good and the not so nice (without attaching ego or guilt.) The experts claim it helps kids to use a three word sentence beginning with "I feel," to work through their emotions. For example, "I feel angry, how should I deal with that," instead of stuffing the emotion and trying to replace it with a more acceptable reaction.

Discuss what your children are feeling, so that kids learn to recognize feelings as they occur.

Also, help kids develop the ability to label their feelings instead of other people. For example, “I feel hurt” vs. "You are mean." This helps children deal with the emotion appropriately. It is easier to deal with an emotion if they are not blaming someone else.

Help investigate the origin of feelings that cause kids to react in a certain way. For example, they are not as mad at a sibling as they are overtired. Or, if they feel they have done something stupid, examine the events or beliefs that lead to this event.

Help them better identify and understand their fears and their desires. This strengthens our children’s abilities to control and understand strong reactions. A child can't always see that it is fear causing them to react so strongly to something new, for example. The same goes for a child's "wants;" they can't rationalize if they don't understand the push of desire.

Kids do need to develop the insight to deal with any unmet emotions in the present and from the past (shame, for example.) These can create strong reactions ranging from sleep disturbances to alcohol or drug abuse. We play a game called, "Old secrets," where we take turns confessing things that made us sad or embarrassed in the past. Usually it's enlightening, often funny, and the kids feel good afterwards.

You can find more ways to help kids deal with their emotions in the article, “Helping Kids Manage Moods.”