I was not the greatest "mom" to step into the role of mother – when I inherited my step kids, I was 26 years old. I had been used to being single, to being able to go wherever I wanted – whenever I wanted to go. I had never been "tied down" by children or forced to find a babysitter to do anything. I had never even spent much time around children to understand how they worked.

My oldest step son, now 21, probably got the worst deal in the beginning with me as a step mom. He was the oldest; he remembered his mom being in his life; he probably resented me more as the invader of his home and hopes. He was also the child with whom I tended to struggle the most – with not knowing what I was doing, with not knowing what to do with a 10 year old boy – and he probably worried about how life would be with me in it.

That first year we were all together was probably roughest for him – and me. I was trying to figure out my place among these four people whose family I'd joined, and I had a huge learning curve on the whole parenting thing. I had a lot of growing up to do in order to be able to be a parent and not just another child in the house competing for my husband's attention.

Time, of course, has made all the difference. I am much more comfortable in my role now as mom, and my step son has forgiven my early fumblings. We have a truly close and special relationship now that we both cherish very much.

In order for me to be able to be a good parent, I had to confront my own insecurities. I had to realize that I was not in competition with the kids even though we all loved their dad. I had to recognize that their needs were sometimes more important than mine, and that rather than be an extra stress in my husband's life, I could be his partner in meeting the kids' needs.

It's not easy. Being a step parent is difficult. The dynamics of a blended family are so much different than a traditional family. Feelings tend to be more fragile and closer to the surface. Time really does help, but so does compassion, empathy, open communication, and really caring.