Guest Author - Shadra Bruce

It's almost Mother's Day again. This year, like the past two, have been very different for me. My mom, Linda, died in 2006 after a long battle against cancer. Mother's Day 2006 I could barely force myself to acknowledge the day because I was still grieving so terribly. The past two years have been easier, but never without their moments of longing for just one more afternoon with my mom. I spent the beginning of each of the past three Mother's Days at the cemetery, spending a moment connecting with my mom by leaving flowers at her grave and telling her how much I miss her. This year, I am 2,500 miles away from where my mother was laid to rest, since we moved back to New York. I've realized over the last few years, though, that my mom is with me all the time…and I owe her a pretty big debt of gratitude for the success I've had as a step mom.

When my mom was 11, her parents split up. This was in 1961, when divorce was not common. Technically, my grandpa took off, leaving my grandma with four kids, of whom my mom was the oldest. The youngest, my uncle, was only six weeks old. My grandma didn't have any money, and my mom grew up in poverty. She also got a step dad and a new sister as a teenager, along with a long-distance move and a senior year in a high school full of strangers. She knew all about being a step kid, about what it felt like to have a parent abandon her, and about how lost and lonely you could feel when your family disintegrates.

When I got married, not only did my mom welcome my stepkids with the open, loving arms of a grandmother (Nana, the kids all called her) but she took a particular interest in trying to fill them up with love to wash away the pain they had experienced from having a parent choose a life away from them.

When I was exasperated because Dave and I couldn't get a babysitter and get any time alone, she reminded me how much the kids needed to feel like I wanted them there. When I was frustrated because I felt like an outsider, she helped me understand what it must be like for the kids to have a stranger suddenly living with them. When I felt like my stepdaughter was trying to undermine my authority, she helped me realize how terrified Kira must have been to have her mom gone and only her dad to cling to.

My mom died because her heart gave out. The chemo drugs were too much for her heart to handle. But I always think about how much her heart gave in the time she was with us…how she helped me open my heart and transform a little group of virtual strangers into a strong and loving family. She may be gone but her gift of love lives on in me, my children, and the many people she touched.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom (Nana). We love you and miss you so very much.