Guest Author - Paula Petrie



To be a mom is to know guilt. The essence of being a ‘mom’ inspires endless ways and degrees of feeling guilty. In fact, your first child-generated twinges probably happened within hours of giving birth, or perhaps feelings of accountability started before laying eyes on your bundle of guilt-riddled joy, when a pregnant-you snuck that forbidden cup of coffee or sugar-filled snack.

Moms feel guilt over the worn or stained appearance of their kids clothes, the tousled look of a toddlers curls, whether the snack of choice is providing nutrition, or how many seconds it takes, to get to that dirty diaper. There is even deeper guilt attached to Mom loosing her cool, or observing slower development in her child at a certain milestone, or when a child gets hurt.

Guilt could be described as help for mothers, or a cattle prod, sending an alert that something needs consideration, or ‘fixed.’ Guilt is meant as a motivator. Sometimes your manner of doing things needs fine-tuning. If you have forgotten to put the lunch bags into the backpacks, next time pack them straight away. Other-times what needs adjusting is your attitude. Johnny’s little bottom won’t suffer irreparable harm if you are too busy to give his diaper prompt attention. Perspective is the driving force creating a healthy family environment. What would most benefit your child? I believe the answer is always a healthy mom.

The thing about being a mom is there is no time to wallow. Reality calls it like it is and there are no ‘star’ moms. But kids seem to survive us anyway. They seem to remain oblivious to the hand wringing over bad choices. Kids are grateful their favorite tattered shirt is freshly laundered and not mysteriously missing. And regardless of how battered your heart may be, what children can really sense is the love you offer wrapped up in hugs and kisses. A valuable lesson for a child is seeing how their mentor/mom is able to apologize, or go the lengths required to put things right.

The nucleus of the family is a home safe for the pursuit of ideals. A place where it’s OK to fail and fall flat, then rise up to try again, without feeling judged, but backed by love and moral support. It’s a great gift of insight to offer to a child, to see that mom is not perfect and that is perfectly OK.