Guest Author - Nicola Jane Soen

What really happens at Christmas? All the relatives you never see pile around armed with pressies and wine for the host (if you’re lucky!) They kiss and hug and offer pleasantries and thanks. Then you all sit down to a HUGE gargantuan feast; all of you together in harmony. EHHHHH? Why is it we only eat parsnips and swede at Christmas, let alone Brussels sprouts? And little sausages wrapped in bacon? What’s all that about?!

We see relatives we usually avoid! And only by them presents, either to not feel guilty or because we want one! Christmas is a wonderful time of chaos, pain (oh no not Mother in law criticising my turkey AGAIN!) and renewing family ties; though by the end of it you wish the tie was a noose! But would we swap such a wonderful season? Well what ever your opinion, enjoy the poem and enjoy your Christmas this year!

Ode to Christmas, or NOT AGAIN!


This day we think of Christmas cheer;
And Good Will down on earth,
We think about this Christmas day;
the day of Jesus birth.

Peeking at the presents,
Piled up under the tree,
Thinking how many presents, are there under there for me?

The one with red wrapped ribbons on;
In a beautifully wrapped box,
That offered so much promise,
But only contained socks! Then that blasted Christmas cracker,
With its novelty and hat,
With the silly joke that when read aloud; always falls down flat!

Little Jake is playing, with his new, action figure toy;
But said ‘I WANTED some Bionicle; NOT this soppy plastic boy!
‘Didn’t Santa read my letter?-
He is just not up to speed!-
What ever he was taught in school- He never learned to read!!’

Oh NO! Auntie Nora’s here,
And so is Uncle Winn,
Quick some one hide the remote control,
And stash away the gin!
Remember what he did last year? All over grandmas toes?
Please! Oh Please! NO! Not AGAIN! Not over my best clothes!

AAHHHHH! The turkeys burning,
The Swede and spouts are hard;
And the sausages are being used as bullets; for a game out in the yard!

When at last it’s over,
And the mayhem has calmed and gone,
We wonder, was it worth it?
Now all our credits gone?!
We’ll be in debt all year now,
Our credit up the spout;
And by the time it’s in the black again, the decorations come back out!!

So as we sigh in January,
Eating turkey sandwiches; with less than Christmas cheer,
Remember it’s a holiday and only happens once a year.
The family’s together, only once, they come this way;
And then you never have to see them till the following Christmas day!

So just you grin and bear it, another joyful year; raise your glass and toast yourself; to some good old Christmas cheer!!