Guest Author - Allison Welch Tannery
OK. This is what most likely happened to get you to this point of pregnancy. Or what you almost certainly tried before other measures, like IVF, or any other advancement in medicine that enabled you to conceive. We’re talking ‘bout sex, ba-by, talking ‘bout sex, yeah, you and me (not having it together, talking about it together).
I’ll be honest here. I got pregnant, and poof, the libido was gone. Gone, gone, gone. My poor, poor husband. But that’s my straight poop. Other women find themselves more interested in sex than ever before. If maybe not in the first trimester, then following. There is a fairly solid theory that the increased fluids and blood flow in the body could lend itself to the ability to experience orgasm better, or for the first time. And hey, you don’t have to worry about getting pregnant…you already are!
Unless you have a certain prohibition due to medical issues, being pregnant could be a great time, sexually, for you and your husband. Issues that could be a problem might be a risk of pre-mature labor, placenta previa, after the point where your water breaks, or maybe if you’ve have a pronounced risk of early miscarriage. Some doctors feel that the act of sex, orgasm particularly, could be risky for the longevity of the newly implanted embryo.
Sometimes, there are size issues, as your belly grows, that mean you need to find different positions for this time together. There are a few that may be a bit more comfortable.
First, spooning may be helpful as your tummy accommodates baby, as this lessens the need for increased flexibility from your partner, if he is on top. Side by side can also work well, even if you are facing each other, as the pressure is somewhat absorbed by the surface of the mattress. Sometimes, just bearing the load of the baby is enough to put a damper on feeling amorous. Relieving this can help your libido quite a bit.
If you’ve never been keen on being on top, this could be the time to do it. You can control the level of penetration, as well as not have all of baby pushing you back into the bed, as when you are on your back. Many women find being flat on their backs later in pregnancy is most certainly uncomfortable. If your husband is particularly sweet about your ever expanding girth, it gives him an opportunity to just hold your belly, while the two of you are intimate. That may be uncomfortable for some, and great for others.
A couple of other choices include propping yourself on the edge of your bed, your knees up, and feet planted, nearly hanging off like that lovely visit to your OB, where your husband might be standing, alleviating any pressure on your belly. Some women also find that if their husband sits back, on his knees, they can sit on his lap, and he may even hold her belly up a bit. If you’re having a hard time picturing this, it would be a rear entry position, with you sitting in his lap, both of you facing the same direction.
Largely (no pun intended), being pregnant is a time of fantastic change. Of seeing things about yourself, and your spouse, you never knew existed. Of discovering new ways to love each other, physically, and emotionally. Which is great preparation for the coming months and years, when a small child can demand so much. You will change. Your relationship will change. The challenge is to mold it into change for the better, not the worse. And to remember, that before there was any baby, there was the two of you. And that relationship is primary. If that crumbles, then the child you bring into the world will be at a disadvantage. Talk with your spouse. Communicate. Tell him what is working, and what is not. Chances are, everything you’ve learned about pleasing each other up until the point will be tossed. For the time being. Being pregnant can change nearly everything about how you feel about your body, and sexuality. Keep talking.
From the start of your pregnancy, through the time your baby goes to college and beyond, remember the person you wanted to create life with, and work at that relationship, as hard as, or even harder than, you do at raising your child. Figure this all out together, and your child will do fine. Great, even. When he or she sees you and your husband strong together, they will have security and peace that no book can teach you to instill.
And believe it or not, the new negotiations of relationship with a baby in the works can start in the bedroom, before your baby ever arrives. It’s all about give and take. What better place to start, than in your sexual relationship.