“Gratefulness is the key to a happy life that we hold in our hands, because if we are not grateful, then no matter how much we have we will not be happy -- because we will always want to have something else or something more.” ~ Brother David Steindl-Rast


Perhaps it was due to my difficult and unhappy childhood, for as long as I remember, finding the “secret formula” for happiness has always been my great mission in life. I studied and read as much as I could. And when I met people who were truly happy, I asked them for their “secrets” to life. Driven by my internal pain and a strong desire to change the quality of my life, I was determined to find happiness… true and continual happiness that didn’t simply go away when my day was a disaster, and the kind of happiness that wouldn’t disappear when a loved one left me drenching in heartaches and grief.

In my earlier days, gratitude was just a fancy word that I practiced once a while when I remembered. Even though I knew the practice of gratitude was a good virtue, never did I think of gratitude as the key to a happy and fulfilling life. With much innocence and stubbornness, and perhaps a bit of self-serving determination, I set out looking for ways that can “for sure” take away my pain and keep me happy for as long as possible.

In all those years of searching, I often lived in a frantic pace always tried to go somewhere fast. I ignored the importance of “living” in the present. Being grateful for where my life was at the time and accepting all life’s goodness along with the challenges were not easy for me. I could not and did not want to accept my life. Most importantly, I was not able to accept myself, both the good and the “not so good” parts of me… In all, they seemed threatening. Truthfully, I think my searching mission had become a running away mission.

I was searching for ways to ensure my “future” happiness and to take away my pain. In reality, I was running away from my “projection” of life… a dark, painful, lonely, and most of all… never good enough life...

***Continue to Part 2***