Guest Author - Sunniej Jackson

When you experience a devastating loss of a loved one sometimes it’s more than we can bear alone. Lots of people will recommend counseling to those friends, family members or associates as a means of coping. There is no fail safe method for surviving grief that works for everyone. Each individual handles situations differently therefore needing different “band aids” to get through.

I have experiences on both sides of the fence and therefore was able to help a friend on the journey to finding peace within herself. My friend had lost her only child in a shattering, shocking manner and was seeking solace in alcohol as a way to get from day to day. She was able to go back to work and resume a seemingly normal life but was really only a shell going through the motions for the outside world and resorting to the comfort of a bottle the first chance she got and drank herself to sleep every night. I watched her and became very concerned and realized that she was on a path of self-destruction. All of her family and friends were telling her to go to church or to counseling but she refused.

I realized what she needed was not someone paid to listen because there was not much to talk about and for her church was not the answer right at this moment. She felt betrayed by everything she devoutly believed in. There was nothing a professional could tell her that was going to ease the pain. It was more of a matter of time getting from one day to the next and focusing on future plans. She needed to find peace within herself. Having dealt with a similar situation I knew what she was going through, empathized and sympathized with her. I realized that she needed a friend who could understand and just listen when she wanted to talk and just be there when that’s all she needed too.

I made a plan to get her out of the house, around people and back into a normal cycle slowly with small unobtrusive steps. I suggested we meet after work at a local mall which would offer visual stimulus, activity and groups of people as well as a comfortable, familiar and secure walking environment.

First stop was a circle around the food court for free “tastes” this was a way to get her to eat as she was not doing this regularly either. Then we would start leisurely walking toward the other end of the mall. Stopping when we wanted, talking when she wanted and just sharing a feeling of friendship and sisterhood.

This began a weekly Wednesday evening at the mall. I dedicated every Wednesday to that cause for approximately one year. During this time I could see the little changes in her every week which culminated in her going for her dream job of being an airline stewardess. We made weekend trips together for interviews and I helped her study for the entrance exams.

Well at the end of the year she was ready to move on with her life. I am not saying that the pain is gone but just that she has found a way to live through it and not sacrifice herself and those who love her.

Fortunately for her and unfortunately for me, she is gone off somewhere most of the time as the airline she works for hub is not the city we both live in. I have not seen her in awhile but I know she is ok and that makes me happy. I do however miss our healing Wednesday evenings at the mall for the sisterhood and bond that we formed. These will always be special times in my memory.

If there is someone you care about going through rough times it is not always a stranger that they need to listen to them but more importantly a friend that just wants to be there to see them through. Be that friend.