In two days time it is my son Craig’s 9th birthday. Were he with us still, he’d be fizzing with giddiness and excitement, so full of zest and enthusiasm for the week that would surely be his. He loved his birthdays so much – like all children I suppose. All sorts of plans would have been made by now and no doubt a present chosen well in advance. And one thing is certain too – Craig would have sucked the marrow out of the day, enjoying whatever came his way. He was just that type of child.

But as with his last two this is yet another spent apart – away from the hands we wish to hold and the smile we long to see. Once again the morning sound of his mischievous and eager scuffles will be replaced by the thick and empty silence which screams that he is gone. Once more we will wake to the rising edge of that pain we know so well.

Birthdays are just so much harder than the others. They are raised peaks among the sprawling desolation. They bring with them a focussed sense of loss. They are meant to be a day of celebration: of parties and cake, of fun and laughter, of smiles and family joy. They are days to be caught on film, to be reminisced upon in later life. They are intrinsically familial and joyous. That is how it should be.

But we the grieving parents have lost this. For us there is little to be salvaged from the hollowness that this day brings. And yet within we cannot merely surrender to the ravages of grief and let it plunder what it may. Yes the day is fraught with pain and loss. Yes we feel our loved one’s absence all the more and fight to breathe above the drowning sorrow. All these things are true and suffered, but we cannot allow it to be just that.

It IS a day of celebration for them and us. It still remains a special and poignant reminder of their arrival to, and presence in, this world of ours and of all days is the one where we can and should celebrate their life most fervently. What better day in fact? Some parents, however, unfortunately believe they are no longer allowed to: their child is gone and the day no longer holds true anymore. But this is wrong. The right IS theirs.

So we need to remember to smile among the many tears that will surely come. For in truth our loved ones aren’t really gone. They are only gone up the road a little, waiting for us to catch up.