Guest Author - Amy Daniels

My heart is broken. We have heard it before, or said it ourselves. While of course our heart is not literally broken, the ache and pain in the chest that accompanies severe disappointment or sorrow is very real.

There are many things that can cause this pain. The death of a loved one, breaking off a steady relationship, losing a friend, and so on. This heartache doesn't last forever but feels like it will while you are in the midst of the sorrow.

Here are some tips to help the healing process occur as fast and painlessly as possible from the point of view as the one experiencing heart break and from the point of view of someone who is helping a daughter, friend, or loved one through this trial.

When Your Heart is Broke

1. Don't expect to feel better after only a few hours. You may try to say you are not bothered by the pain or it doesn't matter but if you do not take the time to grieve for your loss, bitterness will build up inside you making acceptance almost impossible.

2. Find a friend who will take the time to just listen to you without giving unwanted advice or tell stories about their own woes.

3. Find solace in your religion. This is especially helpful when your grief is over the passing of a loved one. Religion can offer peace and hope which helps healing come easier. Pray and read your scriptures often and if part of your religion attend temples and other sacred buildings.

4. It is isn't always best to forget all about your pain. Examine all the factors involved and focus on what you have learned. Every person we come in contact with can teach us something if we are open to learn. You can also learn a lot from your own mistakes. If you are dealing with a failed relationship remember that sometimes the wrong one is the best one to lead us to the right one.

5. Put your feelings into something material. For instance, I recently had my heart broken by a man I love. Writing about our relationship helped me to move on while still being able to remember details by rereading what I wrote. I also had a dear friend who planted a bleeding heart plant after her miscarriage. She still needed time to heal completely but now every time she sees her plant she feels a part of her unborn child is with her.

6. Make a remembrance book for those who have passed on. Gather pictures and stories from family members into one book so your loved one will never be forgotten.

7. Accept the steps of healing and work through all of them. The time spent in each phase will vary depending on the type of hurt you are dealing with. When I went through my divorce I went through 5 phases; Depression, Denial, Hope, Bitterness, and Acceptance. It took me 2 years to cycle through these phases. However, I've met many people who get stuck on the bitterness phase for many years and never reach acceptance. You will never fully heal unless you can get past the bitterness. Even if they did something wrong it is okay to just move on and forget about it.

With my recent heartbreak it only took me a few weeks to go through the phases. The only major difference I saw was I didn't spend much time in denial and bitterness because I knew deep down it was the right course of action. Not all phases are applicable to every hurt. Obviously if a loved one died you would not spend time hoping they would be brought back to life. But you may dwell on wishing they were still here.

8. Involve yourself in activities to occupy your time. Make some of the activities early morning so you don't just lay in bed all morning feeling sorry for the things you can't change. Take up a new hobby or become a member of a new organization.

Helping Someone Whose Heart Is Broke

1. Just listen. They will probably talk a lot about their sorrow even after you think they should have moved on. It is important to let them take the time the need to heal. Don't tell them to just move on or invalidate how they feel, it will make them hurt more and just turn to someone else.

2. Don't assume if the person who is hurt is no longer talking about their pain that they have moved on. Sometimes the hurt lasts for years, particularly with the death of a loved one.

3. Provide uplifting entertainment and activities for you to do together. Remember her on holidays and birthdays to show you care.

4. Don't be afraid to ask what she needs and be persistent in wanting to help. Many offers of help are denied the first time out of embarrassment or pride so keep asking until she comes up with something for you to do.

5. Be understanding if a picture, flower, song, etc. makes her burst into tears. This is part of the healing process. I remember long ago in band class looking through pictures of our band camp. One picture was of me and my ex boyfriend. In the middle of class I started crying and couldn't stop. I am sure many people thought I was crazy but it did help to get those tears out.

6. For the loss of a loved one the grief is just as hard even if they believe they will see each other again after death. Do not minimize the sorrow felt. The same with failed relationships. Do not start saying there are other fish in the sea or you were better off not being married to him any more. Words like that only help after the grieving party has entered the acceptance phase, before that phase they just make the pain worse.