One moment we are excited for our growing daughters and hope for beautiful experiences for them when it comes to puppy love, their first crush and at some point their first date. In quite another moment we have a lump in our throat at the reality of when a date goes wrong. Do we smother our children to keep them safe from all the possibilities of things that can go wrong in our society?

Every avenue we turn we need to make sure we’ve done everything in our power to protect our daughters. If they are not in danger from strangers they meet on the street or adults in their circle of family and friends, they are potentially at risk at school with their friends or online in the next room away from their parents.

Education is the most important preventative measure we have to keep our daughters safe. Unfortunately it comes at the cost of childhood. We are discussing these topics younger than when they were taught to us. It is quite shocking when you send your daughter to school (and even preschool) to know that outside of learning to recognize their letters and numbers and to memorize their phone number and address that they also are taught the meaning of the word “no” as it relates to someone violating their body or worse yet, what to do if someone tries to abduct you.

Now they are in middle school or high school and the topic is expanded to the topic of sexual harassment and date violence. Our daughters may start going out with friends, either in groups with their friends or on their own. They are exploring online social networking which creates its own unique set of problems. One minute we are protecting them from strangers the next we need to instill a sense of doubt when they date the boy in science class. All of a sudden the “no means no” discussion is opened up to a more explicit discussion of ways in which your daughter is open to harassment. Add to this the fact that date violence is occurring to girls as young as 11 and you don’t know where to begin.

To start you could discuss the various ways that boys and girls can harass each other inappropriately. This is not specific to dating alone since jealousy sometimes spawns inappropriate behavior in the same sex. Here is a list of examples of sexual harassment from the American Association of University Women (AAUW).

Examples of Sexual Harassment

- Sexual comments, jokes, gestures, or looks
- Unwanted exposure to sexual pictures, photographs, messages, or notes
- Graffiti on walls
- Spreading sexual rumors
- Name-calling
- Leering
- Spying when students are undressed, showering, or using the bathroom
- “Flashing” or “mooning”
- Touching, grabbing, or pinching sexual body parts
- “Brushing up against” a student in a sexual way
- Pulling clothing in order to expose private parts
- Unwanted kissing

(Source: AAUW, 2001)

In addition review the Teen Dating Violence Facts from the American Bar Association’s National Teen Dating Violence Prevention Initiative. The numbers will astound you and I encourage you to read this comprehensive document in its entirety so you are equipped to have a meaningful discussion with your sons and daughters. Their indication that 81% of parents surveyed think teen dating violence is not an issue or are unaware that it is an issue is a number we need to turn around. In addition 54% of parents have not spoken to their child about dating violence. In fairness we don’t hear enough about it since it is hardly reported.

We educate them about the dangers of drugs and STDs but we’re falling short on the topic of date violence. We should not take for granted that because they are part of a loving family with appropriate parent roll models who show respect to each other that they will expect the same in a relationship. Remember our daughters are facing self-esteem issues growing up and we have to remind them they are entitled to respect and should do the same for others.