Guest Author - Paula Petrie

“Relationship is a process not a thing,” says Lynn Rasmussen. She asks, “Why work at your relationship when you can play with it? Why work at fixing problems when you can design to eliminate them?”

Granted sometimes a relationship does require hard work. However, relationships and life in general truly do come down to an understanding that everything has it’s own heartbeat and we must approach our connection with others as relating-ships, that travel and grow and change, daily.

Lynn states, “At any given point in time you are ‘relating’ as you go, creating your relationship in the moment.” She also says, “Little changes in responses, routines, and habits can make big differences.”

Of course this is true. So, why is it that although we are growing and changing our own perspectives constantly, we approach others with the assumption that they remain unchanged or unyielding?

One thing women must get into focus is that men do relate differently in relationships, and consequently, they will rarely say or do things in a way that we expect or assume they should. Judgement, criticism, or any negative thinking is counterproductive. Lynn suggests we use these feelings as indicators that it is time to stop, slow down, and think. Personally, I have always found this method to be the best way to gain clarity and evaluate what you really want to say, and what you ultimately want to achieve. I think that when couples allow their different ways of thinking to complement each other, their lives are enhanced. For those needing a core understanding of the differences between men and women's relating styles, a book like the popular, "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars, is a good choice."

As for dealing with your day to day relationship Lynn says, “Trust your emotions. They tell you whether you are thinking wisely or not.”

Rasmussen openly explores all aspects of relationships including what often goes wrong with the more "intimate" side, for couples. She states, “It’s getting honest with yourself that faking it and settling for making a partner happy isn’t enough. Opening up requires new levels of awareness and trust.”

As someone who traveled the bumpy side of this road for several miles before cluing in, I must say that trusting in your relationship and being willing to put your energy in the direction of a deeper connection (understanding) is ultimately the key and worth it.

“Don’t compromise. Look for more creative new ideas. Find another way,” says Lynn, “Men are easy but life isn’t,” Rasmussen adds as she explores the realities that life sometimes gets in the way; at some point in our lives we can feel distance from ourselves; or in an “untenable” situation divorce seems like the only way out.

This is a lovely affirming book for those of us involved in long, steadily strengthening, relationships. For new couples or women presently feeling overwhelmed by their lives and loves, this book is a healthy and helpful read. It is guaranteed to help you lift that heavy cloud holding over your marriage or your relationships in general, by offering clear easy steps to a new perspective, and new ways of relating.

In “Men Are Easy,” I think Lynn truly does reveal (at least some of) the secrets to a happy marriage.