Guest Author - Marjorie Bishop

We all get quite a few emails. Some we enjoy, others we immediately delete as spam, still others we find it necessary to decipher before we can decide their legitimacy. We, also, all have typos. I’ve never had a problem with such mistakes, as I’ve told others before: “I’m fluent in typonese.” What I have issues with are emails that SHOUT at me, are derogatory or hateful in some form or other, were written by someone too lazy to spell an entire word or are mass forwards of whatever cute thing the person read this morning.

Shouting, or writing in all caps, is totally unnecessary for an entire email. Unless, of course, your caps lock key is stuck. Even then, one can pot the key and clean that coffee, tea, cola or mild spill quite easily with a little alcohol and a Q-tip. Goodness knows, I’ve had to do that several times after my granddaughter has visited or I’ve spilled coffee while “surfing the net.”A disclaimer at the beginning of the email should take care of explaining why you’re typing in all caps. Caps should only be used for the beginning of a sentence, proper noun, for certain acronyms or for emphasis (although I prefer “quotes.”) When I see an email in all caps, several words come to mind: rude, ignorant, lazy or annoying.

Flaming or derogatory emails are at the top of my “How Rude can One Be?” list. They have no real value. If you don’t like someone on the Internet, it is quite easy to ignore or block them. I’ve received emails from people who, for some weird reason, don’t like my picture or my profile. I could understand such emails if I had a controversial picture or text; but, I’m fully clothed (thankfully), have no obscenities or vulgarities in the text nor any rants on religion, politics, race, color or creed. I will read far enough to realize the email in question is the work of someone rude with a fetish for seeing their words in print, then I use that most wonderful of Internet inventions: the delete key. Just as in conversation once one degenerates into name-calling and personal insults any point being made becomes lost. If I don’t like a profile of someone I move on. If I dislike a net personality I don’t have to interact with that person. Unsolicited critiques rank at the same level with unsolicited advertisements. A waste of time, pixels and effort.

“how r u?” I really dislike emails that use letters or, in some cases, numbers in place of words. How long does it take to type “how are you?” or for instead of “4”? Some emails read like Valentine Cards: “Please B (or bee) mine”, “U R 4 me” and so on. It seems to me, if you find someone interesting enough to email them, you should also take the time to correctly spell your words. It shows that you are serious and honestly believe they are worth your time. At the same time, be careful what you say. Sarcasm, at least for me, can be fun and humorous when used appropriately. However, it often depends on ones tone of voice to be understood which makes it difficult to include in an email. Having to add “(note sarcasm)” every few sentences can get tiresome. Smilies can be used effectively to denote sarcasm or humor, but one also should use them sparingly for the same reason. They can get tiresome.

Mass forwards are another problem. Some people will forward something to everyone on their contact list. I know this is easier than going through and picking out individual contacts; but, please take the time to do so. One reason, other than the annoyance factor, is that mass mailings are signs of spam. You may find yourself automatically blocked by spam filters and when you try to send an original message it will be bounced back to you. Also use BCC (blind carbon copies) as opposed to CC (carbon copies) if you do need to send to more than one person. Otherwise you have just broadcast everyone’s email address to all your other contacts. The same is true of Reply All, you are replying to all recipients and if you don’t use BCC, you again broadcast everyone’s email address to all and sundry. Lastly, do I really need to mention chain letters? Some, that include threats of dire consequences, are often illegal while the rest are merely too cute for words or just plain silly. Actually, that would be a great response to a flame. Just send them one of those overly sweet, cute and totally annoying chain letters.

Finally, just as in a normal “snail mail” letter, be concise. Use the proper salutation, correct grammar, spelling and punctuation then end with your signature. Think about what you are saying and who may see it. Once your letter has been received, you have no control over who else may read it. Disclaimers to the contrary, how will you enforce them until after the fact? If what you say shouldn’t be made public, then don’t put it in writing. Otherwise, to paraphrase the Miranda act, what you say can and will be held against you.