Guest Author - Jacqueline Geller

At about the age of 19 months, give or take a few weeks, the wonderful, adorable baby who has been the model of a smiling, loving child, turns into an oppositional, defiant little creature.

Moms and Dads are often shocked by this behavior, particularly if they are first-time parents. Mom gets out the parenting guide to see if some type of exorcism is needed for her little angel or if the baby is exhibiting Dad’s temper at an early age.

Unfortunately, this stage will last until about the age of three, when the child figures out how to express thoughts and feelings and learns that safety, love and discipline can exist simultaneously.

Developmentally, this is a normal stage of behavior. Baby learns and grows through this phase, testing the waters to see how much he or she can manipulate and if the “no” that comes from Mom’s mouth the first time will still be “no” the 20th time she is asked for the same thing.

Ideally, boundaries and limitations already have been set for Baby’s adventures. If they have not been set, now is the time to get going on it, as Baby also learns to manipulate and pit parents against each other at this age.

While “no” seems to be the only word that the child now knows how to say, he or she is really just exploring options.

Children are born with their own personalities. They are not clones of one or both of their parents. While they may exhibit characteristics of family traits, these are blended with their own thoughts and ideas. Children are greatly influenced by their environment. At this point, this is primarily the home, as they have not yet had the opportunity to explore independent of the parents.

There also is the issue with what a child wants or needs and what is stated. A child who is hungry may not know how to express that, so may cry and scream “no” to anything Mom asks, as she tries to figure out what Baby is trying to tell her.

Along with the frustration of being understood, Baby also wants to make choices. Up until now, Baby has been fine with whatever choices were made by Mom. At this stage, Baby doesn’t want anything to do with anything Mom or Dad says.

The best way to handle this stage is not to make demands, but offer choices. For example, when it is time to get dressed in the morning, ask, “Would you like to wear the blue shirt or the white one?” while showing the child the options.

“Would you like oatmeal or cereal this morning?” Giving more than two choices or just saying, “What do you want to eat?” is too confusing and does not present the limits that children have to learn to accept. Providing two will give Baby a sense of control, while setting the limits that he or she needs to learn to adapt to life.

Remember, this stage does not last forever! Making it as painless as possible for Mom and Child will help both segue into a world where “no” is not the ultimate in conversation!