Guest Author - Barbara Sharpe

Telling your partners that you have HIV is one thing, but telling other people? Well, that can be even more scary. There is still a lot of misinformation about HIV and many people hesitate to tell anyone unless they have to. Of course, every person is different, as is every situation. In general, studies have shown that people who have a strong social network live longer and are healthier. It’s hard to have a strong social network if you are keeping an important thing from your friends and family.
When, or if, you tell people will depend on various factors: who they are, how close your relationship is, if they need to know for some reason or if they’ll be supportive, among countless others. Some people just blurt it out. Others prepare ahead of time. There are as many ways to do it as there are people with HIV.

If there is a support group for people with HIV in your area, that might be a good place to begin. If you haven’t told anyone else, you can practice with them. Since it’s a support group, chances are good that someone else has been in your situation and would be willing to share pointers. Perhaps, you could do some role playing exercises so that you can think about what you might say in various scenarios.

Be prepared to discuss HIV with your friends and family. A potential date might not engage in a conversation with you, but the people who love you may well want to know more. Talk about HIV and what it could mean for your life, discuss medications and other treatments that you are considering. You don’t have to be an expert on HIV for this conversation, but being able to answer their questions can help you feel more in control and more confident.

Sadly, you’ll want to be prepared for some negative reactions. Just the word “HIV” freaks some people out. If you think about it in terms of it took you some time to adjust to the idea yourself, it may be easier to give your loved ones some time to get used to the idea. I know that not all people “come around” but many do, given some time to think about it and remember how much they care about you.

As you develop new relationships, you will have to decide when is the best time to tell them, or if you should. For example, maybe your new boss doesn’t have to know but you’re getting really close to a member of your runners group and you want them to know. It’s something that you will get better at the more you do it. I won’t say it gets easier every time. I think it probably doesn’t. However, according to a group of people with HIV that I’ve spoken with, you do get better at gauging whether this is someone you want to tell and determining the best way to do it for each person.