A surrogate can offer a chance at parenthood for those who can not carry a baby to term or who can not get pregnant. When a surrogate agreement is successful, it can be a wonderful opportunity to have a child. However, using a surrogate comes with risks and is not right for everyone.

Things can and do go wrong with some surrogate relationships, as one couple recently learned the day after their surrogate was inseminated with the husband's sperm. The surrogate announced to the astonished couple that she had feelings for the husband. The insemination failed, but the potential difficulties in that situation are obvious.

A surrogate mother may carry the embryo resulting from the egg and sperm of a couple suffering from infertility or she may carry a baby that is genetically hers after insemination with the sperm of the father. In either case, there is usually an agreement in place beforehand that after the baby is born the surrogate mother will relinquish any parental rights.

Some things to consider when deciding whether or not to use a surrogate:

* Be sure you fully understand the laws regarding surrogacy in your state as well as the state the surrogate resides in if they live elsewhere. Laws vary widely and in most state the laws are not up to date with current reproductive technology.

* A written contract is vital to ensure that all parties understand the agreement. Don't overlook details such as who is to be present at the birth and who is responsible for all expenses. Be sure you have a lawyer review your written contract. Even with a contract, be aware that the law does not allow a birth mother to relinquish her rights before a baby is born.

* Discuss the surrogate's reasons for offering to carry a baby for someone else. Many clinics require a psychological evaluation as part of the medical workup before insemination. If the surrogate changes her mind after the birth and refuses to relinquish the baby, it can be an extremely difficult situation both legally and emotionally.

* Talk with the potential surrogate about any issues you feel strongly about including smoking, drug or alcohol use, healthy choices during the pregnancy and what type of birth they want. Keep in mind that you do have a right to an opinion about many things, but that ultimately you can not control every aspect of the pregnancy - nor should you.