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BellaOnline's Adoption Editor

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On the Adoption Fence

Guest Author - Brandii Lacey

Some people know that they want to adopt from the start. They may or may not have biolocial kids, but either way, adoption is a route that they plan on pursing.

Others have trouble going from the infertility struggles to adoption. Itís not that they are against adoptionóthey may think adoption is a wonderful way to create a family. They just arenít sure if itís the way they want to create their family. This can result from a lack of knowledge and experience about adoption.

Here are some common thoughts and questions that occur in some people who are on the adoption fence.
  1. ĒI just donít know if I could love a child that wasnít born into our family.Ē

    Most families will tell you that you donít love a child who was adopted less than you love a biological child. However, if you feel like you truly canít love a child that isnít biologically related to you, then it is right to re-think adoption. Itís not fair to the child or to yourself to bring a child into your home, not knowing if you will fully consider that child as your child.

    I want to make the clear distinction that sometimes parents have trouble bonding with their child (both biological and adopted)in the first few months home. This is not the same thing as never accepting your child because of the fact he is adopted.

  2. ĒIím so worried my child wonít look a thing like me!Ē

    There are numerous families where biological members donít look a thing alike. Donít get too consumed by this thoughtóregardless if youíre having a biological child or pursing adoption.

  3. ĒIím scared to go to an adoption support group or meeting; everyone there is so much more knowledgeable about adoption. I think Iíll feel so out of place!Ē

    Guess what? All of those knowledgeable people there were once in your shoes, wanting to learn more about adoption but nervous at the same time. They are there to help, and let you know their experiences. Sometimes meeting parents and their children who have completed the adoption process makes it easier to learn about adoption, without being overwhelming. It becomes another way to create a family instead of this huge option that youíve never quiet researched in the past.

  4. ĒIím still having feelings of loss/grief over my infertility or failed pregnancies, even though itís been a long time.Ē

    This is very real, and understandable. Do not hesitate to talk with someone about your feelings; preferably, someone who has experience is this area (such as a licensed therapist). You want someone who will acknowledge what youíre going through without judgment, and give you tools for moving forwardóbe it going through more fertility treatments, attending an adoption workshop, or simply taking a break for a while.
As you decide which side of the adoption fence you want to be on, remember to reach out to others who have been on the same fence.

Please feel free to share your thoughts about going from infertility to adoption on the Adoption forum.

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Content copyright © 2014 by Brandii Lacey. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Brandii Lacey. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Deanna Kahler for details.

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