Guest Author - Marisa Seale
Why does abuse happen?
Why does abuse happen to some and not to others? There are no short answers to these perplexing questions. A person that is in a vulnerable position is very likely to find themselves abused in some way; either in a physical, mental, verbal or emotional manner.
One way of being vulnerable is when a person is rejected by one or more parent, leaving them open to any form of attention they perceive as love. Another is when there is a single parent caring for the child; this person may work long hours, leaving the child alone most of the time or the parent may be involved with a partner that abuses children in these situations.
A child deprived of love, is a child in great danger of being abused. These children crave love and any kind of attention from another person, is perceived as being wanted, loved and cared for. These children are easily groomed by abusers, as they have no other scale to rate being loved with. A child growing up in a more or less normal household, where both parents love them, is less likely to be easily groomed by an abuser. This child has perceptions of what is wrong and what is right. They have experience of loving touches like hugs and will immediately know when someone is touching them in an inappropriate manner and will feel free to inform their parents of any incidences.
Abuse also happens because parents were themselves abused and never learnt that it was wrong and thus perpetuate their own experiences with their children’s. Parents like these reason that they survived and so their child will too. These types of parents may even abuse their own children and see nothing wrong with doing it. They will in all likelihood allow their children to be abused and do nothing if the child does come forward with the abuse.
Abuse happens because family structures have broken down in most parts of the world. There is no clear line of what is wrong and what is right. Parents that do care for their children; are so busy making ends meet, that communication is limited to the basics of hi and bye. In our fast paced lives and quick fixes, anything goes. Actions are justified with any excuse and people in general don’t care about each other anymore, leaving children, old people, women and men, wide open to abuse.
The abusers cannot relate to other people in a healthy, functional way. They battle in their relationships with others and so choose to rather focus on those weaker than them, those that they can easily manipulate and who will not judge them when they fail, as would be the case in a normal relationship. They are skilled at seeking out possible victims to groom for future abuse and equally skilled at getting the child to keep quiet about the abuse, even at a stage where there is physical pain involved.
The best and only way to ensure your child or anyone you know, is not in a position to be abused, is to always keep the communication channels open, no matter what. Once a person feels they will be judged, they will not share any form of abuse with another person. For a child it is very hard to break the secret shared with the abuser. They have been groomed to envisage the worst scenario’s by the abuser.
Abuse addressed and dealt with, may stop another person or child from being abused. If you suspect abuse, report it. The matter will be investigated and perhaps a person’s life of abuse may end thanks to you. If not reported, the abuser will continue abusing others until someone does report him or her. That is why abuse happens.
