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BellaOnline's African American Culture Editor

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Why Do We Fail In Our Relationships?


Relationships are not easy. They take work. What you put into a relationship is what you get out of it. What you expect from a relationship will also certainly take place. Confused? Don't be. If you go into a relationship expecting it to fail; guess what? You got it! It will fail! If you enter into a new relationship with the same expectations as a previous failed relationship; then most certainly you will be repeating the exact same behaviors within that new relationship.

All relationships are beneficial. Meaning; we can learn something from all relationships—whether they were ideal or not. There are lessons being taught about who we are, who our partner is, what we believe is important, what we value, what we can live or live without.

Our relationships will reveal more about us if we care to pay attention and listen to voice of our relationships. Each relationship has a tone. It speaks of the people that are involved. And if we care to learn anything more about ourselves, and what we hope to not repeat in another relationship; it is imperative that we one: listen to the tone/voice of our relationship, two: respect one another as individuals, as well as a couple, and three: learn what we can and cannot accept in a relationship.

Your Relationship Has a Voice

Your relationship has a voice...so listen! Is it loud? Is it boisterous? Is it quiet? Is it argumentative? Couples often do not realize that others can sense what's going on in their relationship by the way the couple interacts with one another and others. Often, we do not pay attention to what our relationship is saying to others, or even to ourselves. We will find ourselves either drawing closer to one another, or drawing apart, based upon how we communicate with each other.

A relationship without clear and concise communication is headed for certain failure. The way in which a couple communicates determines the voice of the relationship. Oftentimes, partners will find themselves at a crossroad and feeling frustrated in how things are going. Rather than communicating this fact with one another, the tone and the voice of the relationship may turn argumentative, or even silent, until either one or both parties walk away, feeling defeated.

To know what works for you and your partner, it is imperative to set guidelines for communicating with one other. Respect of your partners feelings and style of communication is key to finding your relationship's voice, and what works or does not work for the success of the relationship.

Respect

There must be mutual respect for one another in a relationship. Each partner is bringing something unique, as well as similar to the relationship table. Mutual respect and regard for your partner will allow them to know that you are invested in the growth and success of the relationship. As well as their personal goals as an individual.

Respect for individuality in a relationship helps to foster a sense of purpose and acceptance. No one wants to come into, or be in a relationship where only one partner's needs are being respected or fulfilled.

In kind, respect as a couple is also necessary. Whether in the company of others, or if one is out alone; the other partner should feel and be respected as if they were present. Respect for your partner, and your relationship wherever you are, will help to create a strong foundation. No one wants to feel like they are being disrespected or their feelings disregarded.

Know What You Want

You've heard the saying: Love can make you blind? Well, that is a sure way to failure in your relationship. It is easy to get caught up in the newness and raw emotions of new and promising relationship. Just about everything you do is based upon emotions, and those good feeling endorphins that make you feel like you are on cloud nine.

Well, at some point, you will come down from the clouds and real life starts to happen. The euphoric sensations of that first initial attraction begins to turn to serious thought about a future with this person. It is imperative to be open and honest about what you want in a relationship. What you may find acceptable in a relationship, may not be acceptable to your partner.

Many couples drop the ball in their relationships when it comes to expressing what they will and will not accept in a relationship. Being upfront and honest in the beginning may save a lot of hurt and anger and disillusionment down the line.

There have been couples who have disagreed about past relationships and friendships. Some partners are not comfortable with their partner remaining friends with an ex. Whereas, there are some that have no problem with it at all. In any event; it is important that each person openly, and honestly communicates what they find acceptable or unacceptable in a relationship.

Relationships take work. They are not built overnight but overtime with two willing partners that have agreed to listen, communicate and respect each other at all costs. Relationships work best when partners are fully engaging and are open and honest, and realistic with their expectations. Every new relationship deserves the opportunity to succeed. So, whatever you do; learn from your past failed relationships, without comparing your new relationship to it. That would be a definite deal breaker.
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Black Women & Relationships
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Content copyright © 2014 by Ruthe McDonald. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Ruthe McDonald. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Ruthe McDonald for details.

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