One of the most important (and most personal) parts of the adoption process is writing a letter to potential birth parents. Many adoptive parents find this task a bit stressful because it will affect their chances of being selected. However, there is really no need to worry. The Dear Birth Parent letter is the perfect opportunity to give an expectant mom a glimpse into your lives and will only help to reassure her that her child will be in good hands. Here are some tips for putting together your letter.

Be Honest. A prospective birth mom wants to know the real you – quirks and all. Never pretend to be someone you’re not or try to impress an expectant mother. She’s not looking for perfect parents, just the right ones. She most likely cares far less about your education, your occupations and your home than she does about the type of parents you will be. Share your hobbies, interests and passions. Many birth parents are drawn to a particular aspect of your profile. For example, when we were waiting to adopt, one expectant mom loved the fact that my husband enjoyed roller coasters. She thought it was very cool. Sometimes simple things like that will influence a prospective birth parent’s choice.

Don’t Talk Too Much About Your Infertility Struggles. The focus of your letter should be about your desire to parent a child and what you will offer him or her. Don’t spend much time talking about infertility or how difficult it’s been for you to have a child. A potential birth mom already knows that many waiting couples have suffered from infertility and doesn’t need details of your struggles. It’s fine to talk about how much you want to be a parent and how excited you are to welcome a child into your home. Knowing how much her child will be cherished and loved can be reassuring as she faces one of the most difficult decisions of her life.

Be Empathetic. When writing your letter, try to put yourself in the potential birth mom’s shoes. Remember the many emotions she will be experiencing. Realize how hard this decision is for her. Never write your letter like a sales pitch or sound like you’re pressuring her to choose you. Instead, write from the heart and let her see who you truly are. If you are interested in an open adoption, include that in your letter. She will appreciate being able to still be a part of her child’s life after the adoption. Remember, this isn’t about you; it’s about the baby and ensuring he or she is placed in a loving home.

Include Photos. Always include photos that will help the prospective birth mom get to know you better. Feature some shots of you and your spouse/partner engaging in the activities you love. Also include a photo or two with you interacting with a child, if possible. This will help the potential birth mom envision how – and if – her child will fit into your family.

I truly believe that if you write openly, honestly and from the heart that you will eventually be matched and one day welcome a precious child into your life! Good luck on your journey to parenthood!