Guest Author - Vance R. Rowe
Okay readers, it is time for another article about dumb laws still on the books and this month we visit the great state of Massachusetts. There are some crazy laws from this state too; especially regarding baths.
For instance, you cannot go to bed at night without taking a bath first; however if you live in Boston, you cannot take a bath on Sundays. Does this mean that you cannot go to bed on Sundays? Also, in Boston, you cannot take a bath unless you have a doctor's prescription, and no one may take more than two baths in the city confines. Strange, indeed.
If you are a taxi driver and you want to make love someone in the front seat while you are on shift, don't do it because that is illegal in Massachusetts.
If you want a gorilla as a passenger in your car, it must sit in the front seat because having a gorilla in your backseat is illegal in Massachusetts.
Children are allowed to smoke in Massachusetts but they are not allowed to purchase cigarettes and their candy cannot contain more than 1% of alcohol in the Bay State.
Witches and Quakers are not allowed in Massachusetts. Someone had better go to Salem and tell the witches to get out.
If you go to a wake for someone in Massachusetts, do not eat more than three sandwiches there because that is illegal. It is also illegal for anyone to purchase those sandwiches using bullets as currency because that is also illegal in Massachusetts.
If you are visiting a friend or a loved one in the hospital, do not bring them beer because that is illegal.
All men are required to carry a rifle to church on Sunday; however hunting is not allowed on Sunday. You have to bring a rifle to church but you cannot hunt on Sunday, so if a bear happens by, you cannot shoot it, I guess.
If you are making clam chowda in Massachusetts, don't you dare put tomatoes in it because that too is illegal in Massachusetts. Tomatoes do not belong in chowda anyway so I agree with this law.
Now for some city laws that are still on the books in Massachusetts. First we will visit Boston.
In Boston, it is illegal for someone to play the fiddle. Are there no fiddles in the Boston Philharmonic Orchestra?
While you have to carry a rifle to church on Sunday in Massachusetts, it is illegal for anyone to eat peanuts in church in Boston. Not only are peanuts not allowed in church, it is illegal for two people to kiss in front of church. So, can one person kiss in front of church? Three people? The lawmakers really need to straighten this one out.
What is it about baths in Massachusetts? In the city of Longmeadow, it is illegal for two men to carry a bathtub across the town green.
In Concord, it is unlawful to sell or distribute bottled water.
And we will finish up in the city of Marlborough where it is illegal to buy, sell or own a squirt gun and it is also illegal to detonate a nuclear device in the city as well.
No squirt guns and no nuclear devices in Marlborough? That is a tough city to live in then because Silly String is also illegal in the city.