Guest Author - Jenna Robinson
The morning dawned bright and sunny, but by the time the school bus pulled up, the clouds were beginning to build and the temperature leveled off. It was a typical fall day in Colorado. The mother waved vigorously as the bus pulled away. The happy boy’s face showed in the window glowing with a smile made just for mom. She turned and went into the house, closing the door behind her. A small smile crept onto her face, the memory of that glowing smile burned into her eyes. Oh how she loved him! He was the light of her life.
As she sat down to read her Bible like she did every morning, she felt the same familiar tugging at her heart. The heartbreak of not having anymore children seemed to hit her without warning in the most inconvenient places. A friend of hers had just had a child years after her husband was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. He was confined to wheelchair now, and they struggled with raising their two teenaged daughters. They talked many times about how miraculous this new son was to them. The mother couldn’t help it, she was jealous. She had had so many conversations with the Lord over her jealousy. She had repented of her covetousness, but it still crept into her heart now and then, and she ached physically. She reflected often on the scriptures, especially the one that claimed nothing was impossible with God. (Luke 1: 37) If nothing is impossible, she thought, then it is possible that the Lord will give me another child. After all, He is the one who put this desire in my heart. With this reasoning, she opened every day with her prayer for a new child. And she bowed her head to do so again today.
Then the phone rang, disturbing her thoughts and prayers. It was the nurse at school. The mother felt a cold chill as the nurse claimed that her son was sick. He had gotten very ill on the bus and now had a very high temperature and the mother needed to come get him immediately. She called to her husband who was just outside tending to the animals and other chores around the farm. He came running and they both jumped into the pick up truck and drove quickly into town to the school. When they arrived, they went straight to the nurses office where they found their son pale and feverish. He was laying on the make-shift bed lethargic and looking smaller then he had in along time. The mother went to him and scooped him into her arms, cuddling him close to her and feeling for his forehead. The nurse informed them that the boys fever had registered as high as 103.9 degrees just a few minutes before the mother had arrived.
They immediately left and headed for the doctor. The mother held her son in her arms and whispered that he would be OK. She started to pray again, her answer for most things in her life. But this time more urgently for her son, her precious boy who was the light of her life. But the old nagging for a baby crept in and she found herself again focusing on that desire. She decided that she would only allow it a split second and then return to her prayer for her son. As soon as the thought took root in her mind, she noticed her son’s pallor turn almost grayish and his eyes rolled up into his head as though he was going to pass out. The mother panicked! Before she could grasp what was happening, her ears began to buzz and she could no longer focus with her eyes on anything that was in front of her. Then came a voice, an audible voice! She heard it as plain as she could hear her husband’s radio station just a half a second before. The voice asked her a simple question, “Would you trade this child for another?” “NO!!” She exclaimed out loud.
All at once, her ears cleared and her eyes could focus on her sweet baby’s face again. Her husband glanced down at their son, “Is he OK?” he was worried, too. The mother looked down at the boy she loved so deeply, and said that he would be OK now. And then he was. They went to the doctor, but by the time the doctor came in to see them, her son was laughing and playing on the floor. The doctor assured them he was fine, maybe a little dehydrated, but fine. No virus, no infection, fine. All the way home, her husband joked about how the boy seemed fine and could help him with the remaining chores. “It’s so strange, isn’t it?” he said to the mother, she just smiled, she knew she had heard from the Lord that day.
She knew that the Lord had his loving arms around her son and had set him apart for greatness in the Kingdom of God. The desire for children didn’t entirely go away that day, but now she looks in other directions for that desire to be filled by the Father. She cherishes the moments with her son and thanks God everyday for the gift of being his mother.
This is my story. This happened to me. I know that I heard from God that day in the truck rushing to the doctor with a child I felt was fading away in front of me. I was so afraid my son would die in my arms right then and there! And all because of my selfishness coming before my obedience to the Word of God. I was wallowing in my covetousness and envy. Both sins in the eyes of the Lord. I was using the scriptures to my own advantage instead of listening to what God wants me to hear form His Word. God gives us what he gives us. He blesses us in personal special ways, unfortunately, we can be blinded by what we think should be done. God doesn’t work on our time table, He has our lives in His hands and our job is to trust him.
I have seen how the presence of a son for my friends may have actually helped my friend with MS live longer than he was expected to. He has actually improved, much to the surprise of his doctors. As for my own son, he has exceeded my expectations for a 14 year old boy. He has made my life richer and more enjoyable than I could have ever thought it could be. I daily thank the Lord for this privilege of being his mother. I also thank Him for showing up and letting me hear His voice. The voice of the Lord will resonate in my ears for as long as I live.