Looking back, it seemed as if a lifetime had passed with a blink of an eye...

Right after I accepted the philosophy editor position one summer, my life was in the beginning of the turmoil and pain that were to unfold throughout the entire autumn. My business plan did not take off, my personal safety was threatened, and my partner for the last decade was ever more engulfed by his addictions and shame.

I sincerely tried to reconcile the marriage that truly had not been there emotionally for a very long time. Even though, deep down I knew that it was time to let the relationship go... but, I didn’t want to. No! I was scared, and I wanted to be hopeful despite of the fact that my soul had been suffering for long time. I felt like a blind frog being cooked in warm water, not knowing how grave my situation was, but simply clung onto the little world that was familiar to me.

God knows that letting go was simply not my greatest forte! It was not until I received the gift of a giant “divine boot” mixed with the excruciating lessons of betrayal, I was finally forced to reexamine my life truthfully. I knew I had to gather all my courage to let go. The Universe was definitely ready for me to move on even though I certainly did not feel ready! I screamed inside as I cried madly while hanging on to the last hope I had... Does this sound familiar to you?

Fear, sadness and depression were simply not enough to describe the overwhelming waves of emotions that constantly surrounded me. In the midst of the chaos, my life seemed to just get worse, deeper and deeper into the darkest abyss alone… all alone.

I felt like a bird that lost its wings, weak, and trapped. No, I had not recognized that I was the phoenix in the heat of flame, enduring what was necessary to rebirth into a new life. I was too close to see that.

As I sank into the darkness and endless abyss, I had no idea where my life would go.

During my darkest nights, all I could do was to collapse in bed feeling the crucifying pain that penetrated my body and my wounded soul. The pain I felt was of finally facing the truth, and the pain of letting go. I knew I could no longer control life. At times, it felt as if I could pass out from this intense pain at anytime… but somehow, I miraculously survived.



To be continued…

Please see “Rising Phoenix: The Rebirth of My Soul Journey 2”

**With special thanks to many wonderful souls on earth who have been there for me during my difficult times. I am forever grateful for your love and encouragement personally and professionally. You have ALL made my journey of rebirth possible. I love you. ~ Cara