Guest Author - C.S. Bezas

What does the game of Risk have to do with Hurricane Wilma have to do with the teenage years?

Everything.

When a person plays the game of Risk, they play to win. They also understand there is risk involved in each choice.

When a person lives through a hurricane like Wilma, they aim to live, to survive it all, with as much left over as possible - and they recognize the risk.

When a person passes through the teen years, they expect to win and they expect to have everything they need for a happy time, a happy life. BUT they often do not recognize the risk - the kind of risk that comes from the choices they make each day. What friends do they hang out with? What kind of job do they take? How much homework do they do? How often? Do they drink? Do they engage in risky behavior?

And unfortunately some teens want to play the game of life all alone. That can be problematic (and at times heartbreaking) for the parent. For the parent often recognizes that life is often times can be more like Hurricane Wilma than the game of Risk.

Here are some suggestions to help your teen make it through this amazing (and risky) time:

1. Make life fun.
Playing the game of Risk would be horrible if every choice were criticized or ridiculed. Who would play any games if there weren't an element of fun to it. And who wants to go through life without some laughter and happy memories.

If you've not been communicating in fun ways with your teen, they're not going to want to hear what you have to say about the serious things in their life. So find some time to make your time together surprisingly fun. Out of the blue, treat your teen with lunch on the town one day, or a baseball game, or a bike ride through town.

Believe it or not, they love you and need you, but may be afraid to show it. Any time you spend together in fun DOES make a difference. Seeds planted beneath the surface of the earth do not show progress, sometimes for weeks, but then the little seedling bursts through to eventually bloom in glorious ways.

Do not EVER give up. Make your time together fun and your teen will begin to turn to you more in subtle ways. In summary: make life fun.

2. Make life safe.
During a devastating storm like Wilma, kids need to know their parents are strong and capable of protecting them. Well, some storms in life can be as frightening as a tempest like Wilma, Katrina, and the other hurricanes - only problem is, many storms in youths' lives can't be seen. They're invisible, but they're there nonetheless.

What goes on in your teen's school today is far more intense than the schools of yesteryear. Just talk to the teachers who have been teaching for thirty plus years. It's a crazy world out there now and many winds tear at your teen. Let him or her know you're there for them. Make his or her life safe. The safer they feel with you, the more likely they will turn to you when making some of the bigger choices. In summary: make life safe.

3. Make life serious.
Finally, it is alright to share with them your more serious concerns. I am not a perfect parent by any means. But one thing I have worked so hard on is helping my kids understand why sometimes I need to say "No."

But I share that reason in perhaps a peculiar way. One of the most frequent phrases my daughter hears from me (when she is asking for permission for something) is, "I always say 'Yes' when I can, sweetie."

More times than not these days, the answers to her permission requests are 'No.' But the one thing she does know is that I always say yes when I can. And I have had many serious talks with her expressing my love and concern for her so that she clearly can see that when I say 'No' it is precisely because I'm scared at some of the gunk that exists out there!

More than anything, I want my daughter to know that she is more precious than rubies to me and that I absolutely *must* do all in my power to make sure I'm the best Mom I can be. So whereas sometimes she doesn't get what she wants, she at least knows that I'm serious about being the best Mom I can be for her. And that helps her know that she is loved (even if at times it frustrates her. That, in turn, helps her feel safe. In summary: make life serious.

These years with our teens are all too short. So let's make these years fun, safe, and serious.

Happy Parenting! Remember, your child loves you more than they might show.

Warmly,

C.S. Bezas