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Coping with the Adoption Wait
If youíre waiting to adopt, you know how difficult it can be. It could happen at any moment or it could be several years before you bring your child home. The adoption process is filled with many ups and downs and much uncertainty. How do you cope and stay positive during your journey? How do you move beyond your feelings and have faith?
Remember youíre not alone. So many others have traveled a similar path and understand how you feel. Iíve been exactly where you are right now. After suffering from two miscarriages, my husband and I hopefully began our adoption journey. At first, we were excited and optimistic. We were finally going to become parents! But as the days passed, our excitement faded and was replaced with frustration, depression and a deep longing to bring our child home. You likely feel the same way Ė especially if youíve been waiting a long time. You may have gotten your hopes up, only to have them dashed when a situation didnít pan out or a birth mom changed her mind. There are probably days when you wonder if you will ever become a parent. During those times when you are feeling down, it helps to reach out to others who can reassure you. Talk to a family member or trusted friend to help lift your spirits. Join an online adoption support group or forum, where you can seek advice and encouragement from those who have successfully adopted. You donít have to go through your journey alone, and having others to lean on can really help during your wait.
Keep believing. I know it sounds simple, but no matter how you are feeling or what doubts or fears you have, you must never give up hope. Each day remind yourself that your child will come when the time is right. Envision your future family. Picture what it will be like to be a parent, and hold on to those images and feelings with all of your heart.
Donít bury your feelings. Being childless and struggling to become a parent is tough. Allow yourself to feel sad and frustrated. Youíve been through a lot and should never pretend that youíre okay when youíre not. Donít dwell on the negative, though. Cry when you need to. Vent when you need to. And then keep moving forward toward your goal.
Keep busy. It also helps to keep busy with activities to make the wait seem less daunting. Read books on parenting and adoption, tackle remodeling projects, take a vacation, exercise, sign up for a class or go out with your spouse or friends. Do all of the things you wonít have much time for once your child arrives.
Remember that the majority of waiting parents who donít give up do eventually bring home their child. Your child will arrive too. Itís just a matter of time.
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