Guest Author - Michelle Taylor

HOPE! It’s such a simple, little word; but when it is missing from your life, it can rip a great gaping hole.

In mythology there is the story of “Pandora’s Box”. In this story the curious child Pandora opens a box she’s not supposed to, and unleashes all the Woes upon the world. After being bitten and stung by these many Woes, she curls up weeping on the floor, and hears a tiny voice like bells coming from the box that had once again fallen closed. The voice belongs to Hope, who flies out of the box, kisses Pandora’s hurts, and flies into the world to offer comfort after the many Woes.

I am a Christian woman. I also suffer from clinical major depression.

It has been very hard at times to reconcile these two truths in my life. As a person who has been saved, I know the extent of God’s love; which is to say, never-ending. This is a truth that fills my heart with joy and song. It makes me want to sing praises and thanksgiving to Jesus. I mean, how could someone so perfect do something so insane, just for me? But then on some days my depression kicks in, and I don’t want to sing anything. I want to hide in my bed, pull the covers over myself and sleep and never wake up. It feels as if I am in a deep black hole and I have no way out; and I’m not even sure if I want a way out because I hurt so much – because life is so hopeless.

I find myself thinking of one of my favorite people in the Bible at times like this. He’s one of my heroes in the sense that I can relate to him, and wish I could be more like him; Joseph of the many colored coat, the dreamer.

In Genesis 37 we are introduced to Joseph and his many brothers; and to the jealousy that the brothers feel towards Joseph. That jealousy is brought to a head when Joseph gets a gift from both of his Fathers. From his earthly father he receives a gift of a coat of many colors, and from his heavenly Father he receives the Gift of dream interpretation. Neither sits well with the brothers. Especially when the dreams show that Joseph will be raised higher than all the rest. In verse 18 the brothers plot to kill Joseph, but are convinced by the eldest to just throw him down a pit instead.

This is where I feel the connection with Joseph – the pit. I imagine him sitting in the bottom of that dark place, feeling betrayed by those he loved, frightened of what was going to happen (especially as he heard voices speak of selling him!) That’s what my depression is like – a pit, dark, lonely, frightening. Yet through it all Joseph held onto his faith in God, and God gave him hope.

That is what I have learned about being a Christian and having depression; words like faith, love, and hope are not emotions to be felt and then discarded. They are choices, decisions, and gifts!

This is how I can have depression and be crushed by the emotion of sadness, but still have the reality of joy and love of Jesus in my life. My faith is a choice I make to believe in my Savior – no matter how I feel. His love is a reality He demonstrated to me when He died on the cross for me. And hope is the gift He gave me that day. For no matter what happens to me on this earth, no matter how I feel, no matter how dark the pit is sometimes; I have the promise that I will be lifted into the light with Him in heaven at the end! That is HOPE.