Guest Author - Kristen Baker
In just over a month it will be Halloween and that means candy, candy and oh yes, more candy. As we polish off the last of our sugary treats from our trick-or-treat bags we sit down for our Thanksgiving feast. Before we can totally digest our turkey we are now blessed with candy canes, Christmas cookies and for some families several full holiday meals. With our bellies full and a couple of pounds heavier we make the New Year’s resolution to lose weight.
There are several ways you can lose weight, you could watch what you eat and exercise regularly or you may opt for the least popular option of tapeworms. For years it is believed that tapeworms were a core ingredient in some weight loss pills or that some just up and swallowed a tapeworm.
Now I am not sure what would be worse, knowing that I am swallowing a tapeworm (even in pill form) or the method of removal. I am sorry but I am not about to starve myself for a couple of days and then with my mouth open place a hot bowl of milk in front of my face moving it further and further away until the worm crawls out of my mouth. I shudder at the thought of this. I guess since the thought of feeling and watching a worm crawl out my mouth sends shivers down my spine it probably wouldn’t be my method of removal.
The other option I would have is to place milk and cookies at my hind end for a couple of nights in hopes that the cookies or milk would be enough of an enticement to draw my tapeworm out. Of course I wouldn’t be able to pull this off myself, I would have to enlist the help of a second party and I am not sure who that would be. You see their job is fairly simple; the chosen one gets to sit watching my hiney with a hammer in hand waiting for the tapeworm to emerge. Once it comes out for its milk and cookies my accomplice then bludgeons it with the hammer. I think that I would have to opt for this form of removal but I am not sure that I know of anyone that would be willing to take on the role of hind end watcher for me.
The tapeworm diet in my eyes is an Urban Legend. I have not found substantial proof to convince me that people have or are actually digesting tapeworms in hopes of shedding unwanted pounds. I think that I will stick with the tried and true method of healthy eating, which involves portion control and moderation and exercise. In the long run it seems to be the lesser of two evils.