Guest Author - C.S. Bezas

Feel like you are about ready to lose your cool with your kids? Parenting can be tough. It's one thing to hallucinate when you are pregnant about the joyous days ahead. It's another when you've not had sleep because your two-year old was throwing up all night long and now your ten-year-old-going-on-twenty is demanding time (or money or anything else).

But before you lose your cool, here are a few things to remember.

1. Think "Family Long Term."
What are your memories when growing up? What are the happy ones? Now, quick, what are the unhappy ones?

Which ones came more readily to your mind? If you are like most, it is the unhappy memories which seem to stick like glue in your mind. Remember those times when perhaps you felt misunderstood by your parents? When perhaps one of them flew off the handle in a rage at one small thing you said?

Perhaps you do not have memories like this. But many adults do. So the next time you feel like you are going to do the same with your pre-teen (or toddler, for that matter), stop and leave the room. This will give you a breather so that you can think long term.

Thinking long term about your relationship with your child will not only help you love them better, but it will help them love you better when they are grown up. It has been said that how you care for your child now will be how they will care for you when you are old and defenseless. Rather interesting turn-about, isn't it? Something to think on.

So again, the next time you feel you're going to lose it with your child, leave the room so that you can think long term.

2. Think "Family Meal Times."
Studies are beginning to show that families who eat together weather the storms of life together better. So it would be good to pause for a moment and calculate how many meals your family ate together last week at the table. No, it does not count if you're eating food as a family while watching a movie. We're talking eye-to-eye contact at the kitchen table.

So doing a fast calculation here, there are at least 21 possible mealtimes during a week that a family can eat together. How many did your family have this past week of eye-to-eye, at-the-dinner-table meals? If your family is like my family, our schedules are crazy. So any chance you can get, plan to have a meal together without any other distractions.

At first, this kind of intimacy might be awkward if your family is not used to it. But trust me, it gets better. And it makes a huge difference. Think "Family Meal Time" the next time you get angry with a child or family member. Those meal times spent together over weeks, months, and eventually years really do act as glue to help a family pass through difficult times. The goal is to eventually be able to laugh together. Because after all, the family that laughs together has a much better chance at surviving the rigors of day to day frustrations.

3. Think "Down Time."
Too many families are running crazily through life with nary a moment to catch their collective breath. When was the last time your family had an evening with nothing to do? And if so, did you spend it vegetatively in front of the TV?

Why not pull out a board game or a card game and actually get a little face to face time with these priceless family members of yours? Even if it's hard to remember why you once liked each other, those warm feelings can come back. Just like a garden requires consistent watering, a family requires a light misting each day of love and gentle time together so that it can thrive. It's unrealistic to think otherwise.

Summary.
Maybe you weren't hallucinating at all during your pregnancy about happy family times! The fact is that there are many things yanking at the fiber of the family in today's world. So not to fear. The next time you feel like you are going to lose control, in anger or otherwise, why not try thinking on and experimenting with the following approaches of "Family Long Term", "Family Meal Times" and "Family Down Times." They really will make a difference....if applied consistently over time.