Guest Author - Terrie Lynn Bittner

Many people who leave the church do not leave because they are unhappy with the doctrines. They leave because they feel lonely, hurt and unimportant. The human aspect of church is too often under-rated. President Hinckley has often taught that each new convert needs three things: a friend, an assignment, and spiritual nourishment. However, it is not just the new members who need this; it is all members. We all need friendship, valuable work to do, and nourishment. The church provides opportunities to have all of these, but it is up to the members to carry out the opportunities. While some responsibility falls on the individual member, responsibility is also on the teachers, the leaders and the member’s ward family. Recently, during a Relief Society board meeting, the board began to discuss the needs of several women who were new to the church or the ward, or who were attending only occasionally. It was noted that these women came alone, and so, although most of us sat with families, these women were sitting alone. Someone asked whose responsibility it was to see that they didn’t sit alone. The president said, “It’s the responsibility of everyone.”

As teachers, we have a special stewardship over those who are not part of the center of the crowd. Primary teachers and youth leaders are generally aware of their responsibility to their students, but often in adult classes, where different people teach each week, we are less aware. Simply because there are so many people assigned to us, we don’t always realize that the person we don’t recognize is new or returning, or even just a quiet person who’s been overlooked.

We call this process by many names: member retention, reactivation, fellowshipping. Really, though, it is just kindness. If we are kind and loving to those under our care, we are doing the Lord’s work. Those members who feel loved, respected and wanted will not leave the church.

There is a caution. No one wants to have friends who are friends only out of duty. This is not real love. The initial contact may be an assignment, but if it does not progress beyond that, the relationship cannot have power. Power to change and bless lives comes only through love. Those friends who truly love me can reach me, change me, and help me make wise choices.


Friendship Plaque, Wood