Guest Author - Sadiyya Patel
Where does your spouse and marriage rank on your list of priorities? Is your marriage amongst your top 5 priorities? The top 10? Does it even make your list at all?
If you want your marriage to not only survive but really thrive, then you must make your marriage a priority.
Woman, especially working moms, have so much on their plates. There's the children with all their needs - homework, school, after-school activities, discipline problems and so on. Then comes managing the home and all the routine chores that accompany that - cleaning, getting dinner on the table, laundry, trips to the grocery store and on and on it goes. Then there's work - for those moms who work outside the home and for the growing number that have their own home based businesses. (Work at home moms don't have it much easier than working moms)
Now add an extra activities, from going to the gym to volunteer activities and hobbies, time for friends and neighbors and so on. And then there are some moms who have extra challenges to cope with, perhaps a disabled or special needs child, caring for an elderly parent or perhaps their own health problems.
Where do you find the time to fit your marriage in? Do you feel that you'll make time to nurture your marriage when things are a little less hectic? Let me warn you, that may be too late!
If your husband is complaining that you have no time for him, then the harsh reality is that you are going to have to dump some things off your plate in order to make time for him. If you don't, there may come a time when he dumps you off his plate! That may sound harsh, but it's a reality.
The benefit of making time to nurture your marriage is that it reduces your stress levels and refills your empty cup too.
There are only 24 hours in each day. There's a limit to how much you can do in any given day. Trying to do too much means that some areas of your life will suffer, most often your marriage and family. Without setting well thought-out priorities, the trivial and unimportant can overtake what is truly important without you even realizing it. For example, you may stay up until 2a.m. baking cookies for a school fund-raiser or completing a proposal for work, and the next day you're too exhausted when your husband wants some time and attention.
Situations like these are okay if they happen once in a while. After all, this is the real world that we live in. But if they become a regular occurrence, then your marriage could be headed for serious trouble.
Making time for your marriage may require a little more than reducing the size of your to-do list. It may also involve a complete paradigm shift. Are you a career-oriented woman who looks to your career as a source of satisfaction, in place of your husband and family? Are ideals such as personal success, accomplishment, material possessions, prestige and power more important to you than love, marriage and your family?
I'm certainly not saying that you shouldn't have career goals or work. What I am saying is that f you want your marriage to thrive, you've got to put the needs of your husband first. For example, working overtime on occasion is one thing, working overtime regularly is a different matter. Marriage, like any relationship, needs time and attention.
Take some time to seriously think through these issues. If you only had 6 months left to live, would it still matter so much if you didn't make it to Senior Vice President of your company? Or would it be more important to you to spend time with the man you promised to love and honor "until death do us part."
Or perhaps you need to defer your career goals until the kids are older. Oprah once said "You can have it all, just not all at once." Words of wisdom for all moms to heed.
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