Guest Author - Lori Phillips
Most of us take our marriages for granted. After the vows are said, we fall back into the pace of life with work, family, church and friends only with a new partner by our side. Eventually however, the newness wears away. If we’re lucky, we enjoy the comfortable routines and familiar feelings that marriage brings. Yet, it can be all too easy to slip into ruts and boredom. Or worse, stew in silent frustration and resentment when irritations and conflicts, small or large, get ignored.
Just like a healthy body, your marriage can benefit from regular check-ups, too. Take this short quiz to see how the most important relationship you have is doing:
1. When you or your spouse come home after work or running an errand, do either of you…
a. slip into a separate room and shut the door to avoid being noticed.
b. go about your business as planned (putting away groceries, listening to phone messages, etc.)
c. shout out, “I’m home!” to let the other person know.
d. find the other person to kiss or embrace.
2. How often are you mad at each other?
a. Pretty much all the time. Daily.
b. Often, but not all the time. A few times a month.
c. Occasionally. Once a month.
d. Rarely. A few times a year.
3. When you both can’t agree on something, you
a. scream and yell at each other or give the silent treatment for days after.
b. hold a grudge but say little.
c. ignore and avoid the topic.
d. cool off and agree to disagree.
4. Are your feelings for your spouse mostly…
a. bitter and acrimonious? You really hate him at times.
b. resentful? There are many past issues you can’t forget or forgive.
c. bored and apathetic? You don’t resent him, but you feel little passion either.
d. loving? He or she is still your lover and best friend.
5. When it comes to birthdays, anniversaries, you celebrate by…
a. ignoring them.
b. giving gifts because they’re expected.
c. going out to dinner as usual but nowhere special.
d. doing something to make the other person feel loved.
6. Most of your time together is spent…
a. in separate rooms or places.
b. with friends and family.
c. engaged in different hobbies at home.
d. doing things, talking, playing, even just hanging out.
7. You peer into your future and you see…
a. divorce. Something’s gotta give.
b. misery and loneliness whether you stay married or not.
c. boredom. sigh.
d. satisfaction. You look forward to growing older and happier together.
Mostly A answers: You didn’t need to take this quiz to see that your marriage is in a bad state. If something doesn’t change, you’re headed for separation or divorce. Visit the BellaOnline Marriage forum for help. It’s a safe place to vent and find some supportive friends.
Mostly B answers: Your marriage is struggling and could use some work. Some people believe that the reality of marriage is friction and conflict so they attempt to find peace using friends, family and separate rooms as a buffer or even a distraction from the truth: you’re not satisfied with your marriage! But instead of ignoring the danger signs, why not improve your relationship? It’s worth the effort.
Mostly C answers: Your marriage is mediocre at best. You might think your marriage is fine, but apathy and boredom opens up the door to a host of marital threats. Recapture the thrill that you once felt and experience deeper passion and intimacy with your spouse.
Mostly D answers: Your marriage sounds as though it’s in great shape, but don’t take it for granted. Keep it fresh with some of the great tips you can find in BellaOnline Marriage articles and forum!