You’ve got the ring, you’ve set the date. You’re dreaming of your beautiful wedding gown and the lovely slow walk down the aisle. Your color scheme is set and the attendants’ gowns are gorgeous. The reception place is booked, the flowers and favors ordered, the menu confirmed, and the honeymoon destination set. Add to this the fact that “you’re so completely in love” and all you focus on is the wedding day.

You’re all ready for your wedding; but, are you ready for marriage?

The “M” word is something that many couples don’t really consider until after the honeymoon. With all the dizzying preparations surrounding the planning and executing of a wedding, the reality of married life takes a back seat. Sometimes its “seat” is so far in the recesses of your mind that you find you and your partner have prepared for everything, down to the minutest detail, except the actual marriage itself.

So how do you know you’re ready for marriage?

The first question to ask yourself is a very practical one; what is each person bringing to the marriage table. Cold and calculating as this seems, it is a very necessary question. Does this sound more like a business deal and less like a marriage to you? In a way it is. Let’s take finances first.

You should be very aware of what financial security each one of you is willing to contribute to the marriage. Talk real dollars and cents and don’t give, or take, abstract statements about money. It will only cause trouble later on. What do you make, what does your spouse make, how will bills be paid, joint account or not; these are questions that need to be answered. You’re not being “nosey,” this is a partnership. No savvy business person would go into a partnership where money, and the inflow and outflow of cash, wasn’t discussed at length. It would be too risky. It’s the same in a marriage.

Is your spouse finishing education? Are you going to be the sole support of the household while your husband or wife is getting a degree? If so, how will money be handled for both of you. What benefits will you receive as a result of having supported him or her during this time? If you wanted to return to school at a later date and start another career, would your spouse be willing to do the same for you?

These are hard questions but they’re not heartless. Both partners need to know that they can expect to receive the same consideration in this crucial area as they give.

If both partners are working, the question of household chores is sure to rear its ugly head. Exhausting days at work can lead to short tempers and resentment at home if one spouse feels he or she is “coming home to a second job.”
Divvying up chores needn’t be gender specific, either. If cooking a meal every night is not your cup of tea, while he fancies himself a gourmet chef, then by all means he could do the majority of the cooking. Offer to cook at least two nights a week, though, while he takes a break. If neither one of you wants to be the chief chef, then takes turns preparing meals. This works for laundry, taking out the garbage, and cleaning. Talk about how you can divide and conquer the chores. No one person wants to feel like a drudge with all work left for them. Being female doesn’t automatically make you domestic and being male doesn’t mean you’re the rough and ready handyman.

We don’t tend to think about health issues when we’re newlyweds but this is an area where knowing ahead of time can literally save your life. What type of health benefits do you have? Who has the primary insurance? Should we pay for short term and long term disability? Know where all papers for insurance are kept and carry your health insurance cards, both of you, at all times.

Future goals are something we think about but don’t always vocalize to our spouse. What do you see yourself doing in the future? Is there a career you’d like to pursue one day? Where do you really want to live? Talk openly and often about this topic and make plans. Most of us expect our spouses to know us well enough that they can literally read our minds. Even psychics need to discuss goals with their spouses!

Sexuality is something that we think will take care of itself. We’re in love, we are active in the bedroom, what can change that? Plenty! Discuss your needs and desires with your mate. Do not hold back. This is a delicate area but it is essential that you both know what the other wants.

Lastly, talk about having, or not having, children. What are your true feelings about being a parent? If you don’t want children and your spouse does, don’t think for one minute that “it will all work out someday.” It won’t and could destroy your marriage.

These talks about married life should take place well before your big day and just talking once won’t do. Make communication an additional “vow” you take.

Before you say “I Do” be sure you and your spouse are both mature enough to know what marriage is all about. Plan for your married life with the same meticulous care you take for that beautiful wedding! The wedding is one day, the marriage should last a lot longer.


Hey, Jude!! Sacred Spirit!!