Guest Author - Erika Krull

The oldest child is the rule following achiever. The middle child is the negotiator and peace maker. The youngest child is the rebel with the free spirit. These are personality types are well known in our society. The first ideas behind them were formed by Alfred Adler in the 1920‘s and 1930’s. His writings gave profiles of personality types based on their position of birth in the family.

Today, we continue to be interested in this phenomenon, birth order. We wonder what our children will turn out like. We want some explanation about how we turned out, or our siblings turned out. We want so much to understand a very complex thing that we are sometimes willing to make it too simple and focused.

Personality formation is a dance, a constant interweaving of influences. It is not so much nature vs. nurture, but nature with nurture. It would be far too simplistic to say that genetics had nothing to do with personality – it’s all environment. An equally incomplete answer is to argue that it is all genetics, and environment has no say in the matter. So with that said, what is the truth about birth order and personality?

Researchers generally agree that children are born with a set of enduring personal characteristics called temperament. Parents generally know these characteristics about their children early on. However, temperament as a child is not exactly a mini-version of adult personality. The development of adult personality involves so many different things, both inborn and from the environment. Also, researchers are seeing now that a child’s role and personality as seen while in their growing-up family is often somewhat different as they become an adult.

There are other factors within a child’s growing up family that can change the supposed effects of birth order. This can include age gaps larger then 3 years, gender of children, one child with a distinct problem (chronic illness, mental disability, etc.), death of one of the siblings, and so on. Divorce, death of a parent, or frequent moves can also have a profound effect on someone’s personality.

That being said, some of the birth order stereotypes do make sense when you look at each position. It would be natural for the oldest to be given the highest level of responsibility among the siblings. They are eager to be seen as “bigger” and the parents are often relieved the child can do a little more to help out. It is easy to see how the second or middle sibling might try to be the opposite of the first born. It makes sense how they may do some extra adjusting since they are in the roles of younger and older sibling. Parents are generally more confident and less anxious about parenting by the time the youngest siblings comes along. Parents are also possibly more overwhelmed with more children, giving the youngest a chance to enjoy more latitude.

The dynamics of a family with one child are going to be different than one with two children. Two children families are different from three child families, and so on. As the parents add children to the family, everyone in the group has to adjust. In a way, each child from the same parents is actually born into a different family.

Clearly, there seems to be some truth in the birth order personality theories. However, it is also important to understand that the eggs are not all in one basket. Children have certain ways about us and history with them that cannot be changed. However, there is still flexibility through free choice to determine their futures. That is most reassuring and exciting part. The better you understand your children from the inside, the better the better you can help them become their best self.