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BellaOnline's Marriage Editor

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The Woman He Married But Better


"Women marry men hoping they'll change; men marry women hoping that they never will." ~Albert Einstein

Are you the woman you were when he married you? I'm not and grateful for it.
Sometimes I wonder why my husband married me. I was a basketcase. That's old school for wackadoodle. He had to ride a roller coaster of emotions as I went from feeling confident to crashing into the depths of low self-esteem. When I look back at the young woman I was in my 20s, I can't say it was all good. When I was young, I was…

impatient
critical/judgmental
opinionated
bossy
neurotic
fearful
short-sighted
egotistic

That woman was seriously out-of-touch with her true self. Too busy trying to make an impact upon the world around her instead of simply exploring it. Living life, I learned that there is no need to control my world and the people in it. I learned that my negative traits were rooted in fear, insecurity and lack of healthy self-love.

Ah, the blessings of growing older. Maturity. Acceptance. Appreciation for what really matters. Love without strings. So, no, I am not the woman I used to be.

The good points?
But why did he marry me then? Like the sweet man that every man should be, he only saw my good points. According to him, I also was…

energetic
hopeful
adventurous
fun
silly
joyful
curious
confident
loving
giving

Throughout the years, I have to admit that there were periods of time when I buried the very traits he loved most about me. Who can blame me for not being able to muster up energy, adventure and confidence when having to bury a child, fending off creditors and chronic illnesses? Good reasons for losing myself but reasons become excuses if you don't move beyond them.

There is something magical when someone believes in you. When he sees the best in you. His love and acceptance--and patience--inspired me to move past the excuses. I revisited myself. My youthful self.

Better?
And here I am. Yesterday, I just celebrated my 53rd birthday. And I'm back to my hopeful, joyful, silly, curious, confident, and adventurous self. That is the true fountain of youth. I'd never want to go back to my 20s if that meant not having the maturity and lessons learned from my life experiences.

What about you? Are you a better or worse version of the woman he married? Have you added some wisdom to your positive youthful traits that he fell in love with? Or have you let life's hardships force you to bury that great girl?

Be the woman he married. If not for him or for your marriage, for you. Just don't be surprised when your marriage benefits from this, too.

I'm so grateful that he waited for me to grow. Up. 
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Content copyright © 2014 by Lori Phillips. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Lori Phillips. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Lori Phillips for details.

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