Guest Author - Krissi Danielsson

If you came to this page through the main site, you'll recognize Our Stories of Miscarriage: Healing with Words as one of my three recommended books at the bottom of the page. I intend to keep this one as a static inclusion in that recommendation box, even if I may alternate the other two. Why? In all the miscarriage books I've read and perused, I feel that Our Stories of Miscarriage (edited by Rachel Faldet and Karen Fitton) is the most important, powerful, and compelling support book on the market today.

Too often, a miscarriage is called a "silent sorrow." No one really knows how it feels until they've been through it. Those who are lucky enough to never experience miscarriage often pooh-pooh the experience away and wonder why so many women (and men) mourn for lost babies they've never even met. Since no one really talks about miscarriage, it's easy to feel alone. When there are images of babies and smooth pregnancies all around you, you might find yourself wondering what's wrong with you when everything is so easy for everyone else.

Our Stories of Miscarriage doesn't contain the ramblings of a psychologist talking about how to get past your pain, though that can sometimes be helpful. Instead, its words come directly from fifty other parents who lost a baby (or babies) to miscarriage. Reading the book, you realize that no, you're not alone, and there are countless other parents out there who have gone through these feelings too. Indeed, you are not crazy because you're heartbroken for a child you never met.

The stories are mostly by women, but the book also contains the essays of four men.
It's not easy reading. You may very well want to keep a box of tissues handy next to you while you read it. The emotions come through in the words as authentic and raw as what you feel in your heart. You might feel your grief, hidden though it may be, coming to the surface as you read Our Stories of Miscarriage. You might feel compassion for the parents telling their stories, since you can so well relate to what they're feeling. One thing you won't feel is alone. If you've been repressing your feelings, hearing all around you that you didn't really lose a baby and that you should just "get over it", Our Stories of Miscarriage almost gives you permission to grieve.

For anyone who has had a friend or relative lose a baby, I think Our Stories of Miscarriage is a wonderful gift...and it's a good idea for the giver to also read through it before giving. Reading journal entries, letters, and poems by the bereaved parents of lost babies is a real insight to feelings that not everyone has an easy time expressing.

Perhaps one of the most wonderful aspects of the book is that the stories feel very carefully chosen. Some are reflections of mothers looking back on a miscarriage that took place more than fifteen years before. Others are poems, and still others are unstructured thought streams from the heart. The backgrounds of each loss are so different. Some are in memory of a first pregnancy, others are stories of stillbirths after 20 weeks, and still others are from second time mothers with living children who learned the true depth of the mother-child bond after losing a subsequent baby in pregnancy. Whatever your own circumstances, you'll find something to relate to here.

Our Stories of Miscarriage is a wonderful choice and significant standout in the selection of books to heal after loss. Definitely a worthy read, and quite highly recommended. We need more books like this.