Guest Author - Carolyn Chambers Clark, ARNP, EdD
No, it's not all you and your menopause. Your partner could be going through his own menopause, which could complicate your menopause process. Why? Because having an understanding, calm partner can help calm you down, but a grumpy one can set you and your hot flashes off.
First, let's take a look at whether there is such a thing as a male menopause.
Is there a male menopause?
According to Jed Diamond, there is a male menopause. He argues that with the decline in testosterone that comes with aging, depression and irritability reign. But hormones can be just one element in the mix that can turn your guy from a happy and healthy partner to a sour, irritable one.
Is there any physiological basis for this? Yes. It's known that teenagers turn moody when their hormones spike. When surgery alters a man's hormone mix, you can expect mood swings. Since testosterone takes a header for men between the ages of 40 and 55, you can expect more irritability. In fact, Diamond says at least 80% of men in this age group are irritable, and that could be a low figure. Many more men are probably experiencing the shift in hormones.
How learning to handle anger enters into male menopause
Add in the fact that men may never have been taught how to handle their emotions. What they often did learn is to turn their emotions inward (which can lead to depression) or act them out by arguing and getting physical. Another quite common reaction is to hold in anger and then blow up at a slight insult or change in their daily routine. For example, a man (or a woman for that matter) can manage their anger by pretending it's not there until a frustrating event comes along. It could be a comment from someone, losing the car keys or even being unable to find the mate to a sock. Boom! Anger erupts and it looks to observers that such a small thing shouldn't set off a big reaction. What isn't noticed is that that was only the last straw in a series of events and that sets off the big reaction and blast of anger that's been building for quite a while. Which is why it's a good idea to have assertiveness skills that allows you to deal with irritating events as they happen and not store them up for WWIII reactions.
How aging affects irritability
Aging is not only important because of the hormonal changes it brings. Aging is important for another reason. When men realize they may not be able to pull off their dreams, have frustrated ambitions, or see themselves being bypassed at work by other younger men, anger and depression can result.
Is the man in your life in male menopause?
If your guy's in his 40s or 50s, observe and see if he's doing the following things...
__blaming you for everything that goes wrong from his missing sox to the
state of the world
__grumpy from the minute he gets up in the morning
__starts arguments over small things and insists he's right
__stuck in a job he dislikes
__laid off or forced into early retirement
__flies off the handle at the slightest thing
__flings objects around when he really gets annoyed
What you can do to help your guy through male menopause
There are plenty of things you can do to help your guy navigate the floodgates of male menopause, including...
* Let him read this article so he can understand what's happening to him.
* Start eating healthier
Diamond says to forget the low-carb fad. Only a diet that includes both protein and carbohydrates allows the body to produce enough of the neurotransmitter called serotonin, "the male hormone of bliss," as it is sometimes called. An unbalanced diet can depress serotonin levels and lead to grouchiness.
* Lose excess weight
Just 10 pounds of excess weight can increase estrogen levels in men and lead to irritability, not to mention enhanced breast tissue.
* Avoid alcohol
Drinking gives serotonin a temporary lift, then sends it into the basement, so lay off the sauce.
* Avoid coffee, licorice and diet sweeteners
All of these items minimize testosterone.
* Eat more foods high in zinc
Zinc pumps testosterone up. Where do you find it? Here's a list...
- egg yolks
- fish
_ kelp and other seaweed (find them in the health food store and add to salads, soups,stews, etc.)
- seafood
- sardines
- soybeans and soybean products like tofu, tempeh, soy burgers, soy milk
- mushrooms
- sunflower and/or pumpkin seeds (use the raw version, not the oiled, salty kind and add to salads or eat a handful when hungry or stressed)
- whole grain breads and cereals
- peanuts and other legumes
- lima beans
- liver
- meat
- brewer's yeast (health food store; add it to tomato juice)
- poultry
* Learn the art of nonviolent interpersonal communication
Agree to avoid focusing on who is right or wrong and instead focus on each partner's needs.
When your partner gets irritable, ask "What can I do to help?" Or "What do you really need from me right now?"
If you can't do this yet, take an assertiveness class together.
This article is for information purposes only. For treatment, consult your health care practitioner.
