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BellaOnline's Marriage Editor

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Are You Mothering Your Marriage To Death?

Guest Author - Sadiyya Patel

Are you so busy and absorbed in your role as a mother and caretaker that you've forgotten how to be a wife, lover and partner? This is such a common problem and one that I also have a tendency to fall into from time to time.

I was reminded of this problem by a letter written by an anonymous husband to his wife in the local community newspaper. The husband started off the letter by acknowledging that his wife is an excellent mother, cares for the home very well, cooks wonderful meals and is always lending a hand to those in need. She is a selfless, dedicated mother, wife and neighbor.

Sounds good so far, right? A bit like you, perhaps? So what's the problem. The problem is that this poor wife is stretched so thin that she has no time and energy for her husband. She never dresses up, opting instead to wear stained baggy T-shirts and tracksuit pants. She come to bed in faded flannel nighties, smelling of garlic and onion because she's been cooking all day. She's untidy, disheveled and always too tired for sex. She never has time to talk to him or to ask about how his day went.

The kids, the house, the neighbors and the chores always come first. She's a good woman but her marriage lacks sizzle.

The husband then went on to plead to his wife to dress attractively, to visit the salon and do her hair, to have facials and so on. He also wants to be first on her priority list and not consistently receive the leftovers of her time and attention. He wants his wife to be a wife, a lover and not just a mother.

The tragic part of this was that the husband was shot down in the next newsletter by someone who felt it was very wrong for the husband to want these things from his wife.

Now I want to ask you: Is it really so wrong for a husband to want his wife to be attractive and make time for him?

No matter how much you may dislike and deny it, men are visual creatures. They are biologically wired at birth to be this way and there's very little you can do to change it. Nobody is saying that you have to look like Kate Moss or a Playboy Bunny. But you have to make the most of what you have.

If you neglect your appearance, you are denying your husband one of the most fundamental needs in a marriage. Never underestimate the importance of physical appearance to a man. I've seen this over and over again. Men leave good women who neglect themselves for attractive women of lesser substance. You can all this shallow or morally wrong or whatever, but it's an unfortunate fact of life. Instead of complaining about it, use this knowledge about men's needs to your advantage. Be his wife, not his mother!

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Content copyright © 2014 by Sadiyya Patel. All rights reserved.
This content was written by Sadiyya Patel. If you wish to use this content in any manner, you need written permission. Contact Lori Phillips for details.

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