Sex in marriage is as necessary for the partners as rain is for flowers. The intimacy of touching, kissing, and physical closeness help us to feel desired and loved. It is good for our bodies and good for our mental health as well.

One of the reasons for a partner to turn away from, and avoid, any form of love-making is the physical or emotional effects of an operation on the part of the body he or she identifies with their sexuality or sexual responses. For women, that can be having a hysterectomy or breast surgery. For men, it is an operation removing the prostate which in turn might affect erection.

When the intimacy stops and one of the partners seems to shun the other one, the physical longing and emotional pain of the shunned partner can become a cause for deep concern. You feel rejected and less than desirable. It affects your whole life. You do not feel loved.

Our image of as ourselves as sexual beings has a lot to do with our response to sexual stimulation. We are usually turned on by the touch, the caresses, and the sight of our partner. We respond in kind to their bodies in a sexual manner. Kissing and stroking bring what we perceive to be normal reactions-vaginal lubrication for women and penile erection for men. If, due to the physical or emotional scars of surgery we don’t have these reactions, we feel inadequate, even with the person who loves us and whom we love. Feeling inadequate makes us turn away from sex and away from our partner. We become embarrassed by not being able to react to the person whose body has always aroused us sexually. We are upset that we “can’t perform” as we once did. And it is not uncommon for us to be angry that our partner still has the need and desire for sexual activity and pleasure, while we feel cheated because we see sexual satisfaction as unattainable for ourselves.

What we don’t understand is that our partners have a need for intimacy, a physical closeness with us, even more now than before any surgery was preformed. Touching and intimacy become an affirmation of life.

The physical is strongly influenced by the emotional. Sometimes, if we say we can’t do something, what we’re really saying is we won’t try. Regaining a satisfying sex life after surgery takes time and concentrated effort by both partners. It also takes kindness, a sense of humor, gentle affection, and lots of practice. Yes, practice, but practice in this sense, can be arousing and fun.

Many couples are afraid that after a hysterectomy or prostatectomy, they may not ever return to their former level of passion and satisfaction. While there may be some changes, if you have had a satisfying sex life and loving relationship in the past, chances are good that you will have one again.

You should remember that healing comes in stages, one of which is emotional. And the time in which a doctor says it will take to heal physically will vary from individual to individual. You are being given a general range when you are told by your doctor that “healing takes about X amount of time.” He or she is not being specific to the day. Everyone heals differently.

Talking openly about your feelings and fears with your spouse and your doctor is important. You may also want to talk with others who have experienced your same surgery, either in a group format or individually. This is not for everyone, however. Some couples feel uncomfortable doing this with strangers.

A few sessions with a licensed sex therapist, one who is well-versed in the subject of helping couples regain their former levels of satisfaction, may help you tremendously. They are trained in this specialized area and are more up-to-date on “what works” than your doctor or surgeon may be.

After surgery, a person is both happy to be alive and vulnerable to fears. Intimacy and sexual touching with our husband or wife is good not only for us but for them. Let your spouse see, touch, and kiss any scars. This has a wonderfully therapeutic effect on your body and mind as well as that of your spouse. The love that brought you together can sustain you through the healing process. Sex, with all the touching, kissing, and absolute intimacy of each other's bodies is a necessary part of love and healing. Let the healing begin!


Sacred Jude in My Life, Miracles Abound!!