Guest Author - Terrie Lynn Bittner

A five-year-old who recently began attending church said to me, very proudly, “Sister Terrie, I’m only five years old, and I already love to pray!” I’m certain someone in her family made that comment within her hearing, and she took it into her heart to become a part of who she is. She’s now a child who loves to pray, and that can only affect her desire to pray in positive ways. We generally do those things we love, and we do them with more enthusiasm than we do other things.

It occurred to me that making these kinds of comments, both to the person you’re praising, and to others when the person is listening, can help those we care about to identify themselves as members of the church with powerful testimonies. Imagine the impact of hearing your parents say, when they “think” you aren’t listening:

“Callie is so reverent in Sacrament meeting. She must have a real testimony!”
“Jacob gives such powerful prayers. I feel the spirit every time he prays."
“You never have to remind Allison that it’s her turn to teach the lesson in Family Home Evening. She’s such a good teacher, and really seems to enjoy it.”

Children, and even adults, tend to live up to expectations. If someone believes you are a certain thing, you’ll try hard to become that, whether it’s good or bad.

Try this technique on adults as well. If you’re a Primary president, call your teachers and praise their great teaching ability. You might even call a parent or a child and collect a compliment to pass on. “I’m calling because I was talking to Amy today, and she told me you’re the best teacher she ever had because you tell great stories.” If your teacher hears that a few times, she will put even more time into her story telling, and if she wasn’t the best story-teller in the world before, she will be in a few months because she will believe she’s a good storyteller. It’s so much easier to become something if you think you already are—it gives you confidence.

Third person compliments are often the most powerful. When someone says, “You tell such wonderful stories,” you may not be certain whether he means it or is being polite. But when someone says, “The Primary president mentioned that you are a great storyteller,” you are surprised that people are talking about you behind your back—in a good way. Certainly the Primary president didn’t say it to make you feel good, because she didn’t know it would be passed on. So you figure it must be the real thing. Whenever you hear something good said about someone, pass it along.

Do you like to write? Try writing unexpected notes. Naturally, if someone is kind to you, a note might be expected. But what would happen if you sent a note to the chorister telling her how much you appreciate her smile as she leads the music? Or to the Enrichment leader saying how much the last meeting helped you? If you have no leadership role over these people, the impact will be powerful because it’s so unexpected.

Try a delayed compliment. After I give a talk, people often stop to compliment the talk, because LDS people are nice. But once in a while, someone will come up weeks later—once almost a year later—and talk about how much the talk impressed them or how it helped. When I was moving from a ward, the bishop’s wife said, “I still remember the very first talk you gave here, on the importance of teachers. I was so impressed by the things you said, and I guess my husband was too, since he then called you as the Inservice leader.” Somehow, that always means even more. I feel…memorable, and this makes speaking easier the next time.

Joseph B. Wirthlin said, “Kind words not only lift our spirits in the moment they are given, but they can linger with us over the years. One day, when I was in college, a man seven years my senior congratulated me on my performance in a football game. He not only praised how well I had done in the game, but he had noticed that I had showed good sportsmanship. Even though this conversation happened more than 60 years ago, and even though it’s highly unlikely the person who complimented me has any recollection of this conversation, I still remember the kind words spoken to me that day by Gordon B. Hinckley, who would later become President of the Church.” (Joseph B. Wirthlin, “The Virtue of Kindness,” Ensign, May 2005, 26)

So look around your home, your ward, and your neighborhood. Who needs a kind word, a hug, a smile, or a note?