Her fears, based on the facts as she knew them, were not unfounded. The wilderness was dangerous--not only because of its nature, but because of the humans who frequented it. Hugh Nibley, in his classic book, “An Approach to the Book of Mormon” records “that in Lehi’s day the whole Arabian Peninsula was in a state of great upheaval and unrest; it was a time of major migrations when nobody knew who was trespassing where” (pg 241). Many rebels, robbers and hardened criminals hid in the desert and did not want their location discovered. Raiding passing caravans and travelers was a way of life for a nomadic desert people who could not grow their living yet still needed to survive. Sariah knew these risks and knew, too, that her young sons were traveling through this wilderness alone.
Her fears may have also come from feeling the whisperings of the Spirit. While she did not know details at the time, her sons were passing through some very dangerous situations.
Whatever fed her worries, she eventually unleashed her frustration and pain on Lehi.
She “complained against my father, telling him that he was a visionary man; saying: Behold thou hast led us forth from the land of our inheritance, and my sons are no more, and we perish in the wilderness. And after this manner of language had my mother complained against my father” (1 Nephi 5:2-3).
Then, in the face of these accusations, Lehi gives a remarkable answer!
“And it had come to pass that my father spake unto her, saying: I know that I am a visionary man” (1 Nephi 5:4).
Did you catch that response? Lehi got on her side of the fence! He said, in effect, ‘you’re right. I am a visionary man.’
By honestly and sincerely seeing the situation from her view, Lehi instantly defused the argument. You can’t argue by yourself. Lehi made a clear choice to stand beside her and not against her. Then this patriarch helped her recall the blessings they had received precisely because he was a visionary man and he gave her the specific reassurance she needed. “...Yea, and I know that the Lord will deliver my sons out of the hands of Laban, and bring them down again unto us in the wilderness” (verse 5).
Sariah had not mentioned their relative, but she had to be aware of Laban’s temperament. Lehi’s quiet response to her may have been truly inspired as a visionary man. “And after this manner of language did my father, Lehi, comfort my mother Sariah, concerning us” (verse 6).
We can use Lehi's solution in our own marriages. When our spouse snaps at us we should try to get on their side of the fence and lovingly see things from their view. Did they need us to do something for them but our own chaotic day caused us to forget or leave it undone? Don’t argue back. Don't list all the problems you faced that day. Instead gently say, ‘you’re right. I remember you needed that and I didn’t get it done for you. I’m sorry.” Then, as we comfort them--often by words and working to solve the problem--we can let them know, not of the day’s problems, but of the blessings and successes we had. ‘I’m sorry I didn’t get this done yet, but I did do this for you and this…’
When we choose not to demand our definition of justice from others nor verbally retaliate to soothe our pride; when we choose, instead, to give kindness and love despite the situation around us, we change the situation around us. It is the law of the harvest. We will reap what we sow. The Savior, himself, taught “with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again” (Matt 7:2).
Lehi knew that. He chose to mete out kindness. His solution to comfort his spouse still works 2,000 years later.
Building a Better Marriage
Collected Works of Hugh Nibley, Vol. 6: An Approach to the Book of Mormon
