Guest Author - Krissi Danielsson

If you're reading this article, you know that miscarriage hurts. It hurts whether it happened yesterday or it happened twenty years ago, although the pain may be more intense with a more recent pregnancy loss. You can never really get away from the what ifs and bittersweet thoughts about what your baby would have been like. Due dates and miscarriage anniversaries can be particularly hard once the date is so permanently engraved in your memory that you cannot pass the day on the calendar without remembering.

Sometimes, the best way to cope with pregnancy loss may be to create some kind of memorial to your lost baby. Here are some ideas:

A necklace or bracelet

Some mothers find comfort in having a special necklace or bracelet to remember their babies. Charms such as angels and hearts may have special meaning for you. If you have a very small picture or other item related to your baby, you may wish to make a locket necklace to keep the memory close to your heart. Several online merchants offer miscarriage pendants or angel charms for this very purpose; many of the merchants are artistic mothers who lost babies themselves and create the memorials to help other women cope.

Plant a tree

You may find a sort of a catharsis in creating a new life to honor the one that was taken from you. Nurturing a tree from seed can be an amazing experience, and you can plant the resulting tree in your garden or near your home to create a longlasting memorial. If you do not have a green thumb, however, this effort may backfire and make matters worse. (I learned this from experience.)

Write a poem...or anything

Are you the type of person who can deal with things by keeping a journal? Consider writing down your feelings about your loss. You might want to write a poem dedicated to your baby or about your feelings regarding the loss. Or maybe an essay. Or maybe something that doesn't have any form but just gets everything that's inside you out on paper.

Donate to a charity

Share Pregnancy & Infant Loss Support is a nonprofit charity that provides counseling after miscarriages and advocates for parents' rights. It is funded by private donations, and for a $100 donation, you can have a memorial brick placed in the memorial garden around the Angel of Hope at Share's headquarters. March of Dimes is a charity that actively works to help prevent prematurity and birth defects. Either would make a great place to donate in honor of your baby...as would any other charity that is personally meaningful to you.

Got other ideas for how to memorialize your baby? Please share them in the forum.