Recently there was a topic in the Marriage forum, here at Bella, concerning pornography. One of the questions broached was whether any type of pornography can actually benefit a marriage. This is an area that is open to much discussion, with no right or wrong answers.

Most couples, at one time or another, have viewed some sort of pornography together. From the hot “soft” porn scenes in the movie “Unfaithful” with Diane Lane and Olivier Martinez, or "Body Heat" with Kathleen Turner and William Hurt, to the triple X rated movies with actors whose names are forgettable, most couples have sampled pornography. We don’t always talk about it, is all. Not in mixed company, anyway.

Pornography is as old as human kind. Observing couples in a sex act has always been a form of pleasure and education for many people. The word itself has an interesting history as does the viewing of it as “good” and a normal part of life.

The word comes from two Greek words, porne`which means whore, and graphos, which means writing. Prostitution itself was a respected profession of the ancient world but the porne` was considered to be the lowest class of the prostitutes. The porneia were found only in the filthiest, poorest brothels. They were virtual sex slaves, either forced and coerced to "perform," or so poverty stricken, they were willing to do whatever the customer demanded. The word, graphos is used to mean a graphic depiction of these women, who were thought to be vile and unclean and looked down on, not only by the populace but by their higher priced sisters, who were sheltered in clean, upscale “houses of pleasure” and lived quite well.

Pornography was thought to enhance the sexual act between married partners who were literally taught techniques and “ways to pleasure” each other through the observation of the prostitutes. Married couples of means either frequented high priced places of pleasure or had their favorite prostitutes, male and female, come to perform in their own homes. In Pompeii, you can see special rooms in the houses of the wealthy dedicated to sexual pleasure. The depiction of graphic murals and certain alcoves in the room were designed for engaging in sex. There are many places throughout Europe and the Americas with areas similar to those in Pompeii.

The viewing of pornography was not always considered to be “sinful” especially by polytheist religions. But the newer monotheistic religions had a great deal to do with changing that idea.These religions taught that the unclothed human body was a source of sin. Some religions also believed, and taught, that all sex, even married sex, had the taint of sin attached to it because it was a “carnal” act.

Pleasure was not a consideration; copulation was for producing offspring. Women who had come from Great Britain in the 1600’s told their daughters on their wedding nights what they should think while in their marriage beds: “Lay back, close your eyes, and think of making sons for England.” That’ll make a great marriage!

Is there a place in a marriage for pornography? It wholly depends on the couple and their views of what is proper and good for them, what they consider to be moral and immoral. Religious beliefs and taught attitudes towards sex are a prime factor in whether a couple feels comfortable in the viewing of pornography. There are sex therapists who feel that some type of pornography will help many couples achieve more pleasure in sex and help them in reaching orgasms.

Pornography should be an aid to pleasure not the source of pleasure itself. If one partner shows more interest in viewing pornography than in his or her spouse, then there is a problem. The viewing of pornographic videos, whether soft or hard-core, should be a mutual thing. The arousal from the visual can lead to both of you focusing on, and enjoying, each other. The videos should never be the sole source of pleasure.

Today there are videos that cater to couples’ needs and wants, satisfying the ideas of both men and women, and showing affection between them. They are a far cry from the “films” of the past that objectified women, making them out to be no more than slow-brained sex-slave idiots, and making men seem like brutes with a nonexistent IQ.

While sex is a wonderful act, it is incomplete without love and deep feelings for each other. If you want a little spice in your marriage, there is nothing wrong with various forms of pornography. Just remember that it is an aid to an intimate act that takes place between two people- you and your spouse. That is important. Enjoy each other!


Sacred Jude in my Life, Miracles Abound!!