What is marriage?

We were at a wedding reception where all was beautiful and totally traditional. From the gorgeous six-tiered cake to the sappy toasts, all was what you’d expect. The couple wore matching wedding bands from Tiffany’s and they looked blissfully happy. The entire reception was everything a newly married pair could hope for it to be. All one hundred-fifty people present ate and drank and danced the night away.

We escorted them to the limo that was to take them to the airport for their evening flight to Italy. As we said our good-byes Tommy reached through the window, gave me a hug, and said thanks for being there for him. Then Greg reached for me and said the same thing. We were all in tears as they drove off.

Greg and Tommy? Yes, it was a same-sex wedding and it was beautiful.

The subject of same-sex marriages is a hot topic sure to create a stir at any gathering or party this year. It has been a hot topic ever since California first permitted gay and lesbian couples to have the same right to marriage as heterosexual ones and then had the law rescinded. Everyone has an opinion on the subject from “to each his/her own” to total outrage at the mere mention of homosexual unions.

Since this column is titled “Marriage” it is naturally geared to what the most common concept of marriage is-a union between a man and a woman, but I have received some e-mail from same-sex couples who do read columns written for married couples, whether in Bella or elsewhere. They seem to have the same issues affecting their relationships as heterosexuals.

If we define the word marriage from a dictionary, it will state that the word itself means a union between a man and a woman. But if we describe what we, ourselves, think a marriage is, we can state the obvious reasons for our own relationship-love, commitment, sharing same goals, true caring, and similar beliefs. Some couples might add raising a family to their definition, some might not.It shouldn't matter whether it is two women, two men, or a man and a woman.

Thinking about what I have just written, and, being bluntly honest, the above description really is about two people who care deeply for each other. It has nothing to do with their sexual orientation. Love is love, period.

When Shakespeare spoke about the “marriage of true minds,” he was not referring to the word marriage as we know it but a coming together of like thinkers. Isn’t that what marriage should be? Someone with whom you share similar ideas, a comfortable ease of like-mindedness?

To be sure there are people whose religious backgrounds and strong beliefs will not see marriage as anything but a relationship between the sexes, male and female. I respect their beliefs and their feelings. But I also have to respect the beliefs and feelings of people like Tommy and Greg, who have been good friends for years and who have been there for Alan and me in a frightening time of our lives. Who is to say that their love doesn’t equal the love my husband and I have for each other?

So, again I pose the question-what is marriage?

Marriage is letting the world know you have chosen this one person, and this one person only, with whom to share your life.

Marriage is feeling great love and the desire to do everything in your power to make your life together happy, healthy, and good.

Marriage is not being afraid of sharing your ideas, your goals, your wants and needs, with a supportive partner.

Marriage is making a life together without giving up your own self, of being part of “we” yet remaining “me.”

Marriage is going through good times and bad times and yet, still wanting to be with this one person.

And marriage is one more thing-feeling that skip in your heart when you see this person or hear their voice; feeling warm and safe when you are with them.

That is marriage and that is for all those who love.


Sacred Jude in my Life, Miracles Abound!!