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My Husband is a Mama's Boy
A Mamaís Boy is a grown man with a psychologically unhealthy attachment to his mother. It is a natural stage of human development to enjoy exercising oneís free will in life. But a Mamaís Boy lives only to please his mother, even at the expense of his own happiness and fulfillment. No other woman will ever take her place in his heart, and he is clear about that. Women who marry these types of men often end up feeling hurt and rejected as they fight a futile battle to lure their husbands away from their mothers.
The problem escalates when his mother uses her influence over her grown son against his wife. Insecurity, pettiness, and jealousy spur a mother to wield her power in destructive ways. She wants to show her daughter-in-law that her son loves his mother more than he loves his wife, and she does so by manipulation and interference. Does sheÖ
*Call at odd hours, demanding that her son come over right away to deal with real or imagined repairs or problems?
*Change or interrupt your family plans, just to show that her wants and needs come first?
*Feign sickness or sadness to compel her son to spend time with her?
*Want her son to come over to visit without you?
*Complain about you to her son, behind your back or in your presence?
*Feed into his anger towards you when you two have an argument?
*Pre-empt your house rules when she comes over?
*Encourage you two to fight or divorce?
Understanding the mother of a Mamaís Boy
A meddling mother-in-law can destroy your marriage, if you let her. Understand first that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law/wife feud is about love. Every person needs to feel loved and significant. When a mother-in-law starts to meddle, she is showing her insecurity. She attempts to show her authority in her sonís life even though he is grown and married, but what she really wants to know is that her son still loves her. Imagine birthing, raising and loving your own little boy. You love to watch him play and grow up. He loves you with all his little heart and then one day, a woman catches his eye and he is off and running into a new life. As much as you will be happy for him, youíll still want him to remember you and to be a part of each otherís lives. That is why a wife should tread gently as her husband transitions from someoneís child to her husband. Just as she will always want to remain her parents' little girl, she should respect that there is a part of her husband that will always want to be his parentsí little boy, too.
Never come between a man and his mother--or father. Never force an ultimatum or a choice. Remember that he is flesh of her flesh, blood of her blood. He has known her from the moment he was conceived and from then on, this woman has never let him down. You, on the other hand, have known him for only months or a few years. Letís not forget that men divorce their wives far more often than they divorce their mothers.
Good news for wives
Nonetheless, that does not mean that a wife will always play second fiddle to her husbandís mother. The truth is that you cannot compare a manís love for his mother with his love for his wife. They are entirely different kinds of love, and in no way do they ever need to compete with each other. A man needs both a wife and a mother in his life.
The best way to ensure your place in your husbandís heart is to be a great wife. His mother could never be a wife to him. She can never make him feel what it feels like to be a man. And a fulfilled man wonít need the comfort of feeling like a child again. Here are some ways to help your husband feel satisfied with his manhood so he will prefer being by your side than his motherís:
*Respect him. Donít find fault or ridicule him. If you belittle him, youíre turning him into the injured child who needs his mother for comfort.
*Love or at least like his mother. If you show contempt or resentment towards his mother, he will feel sorry for her and will try to defend her. Let him know that you do love and care about her, and he will let down his guard. It will be easier to get him to see when she is being unreasonable if he feels you are on his side.
*Be the good daughter-in-law. When he sees that you make sincere attempts at building a positive relationship with her, he will understand that his mother is being the source of troubleónot you.
*Accompany him on visits with her--most of the time. While he might enjoy some one-on-one time with his mother, be sure to tag along especially if she makes those desperate, frequent phone calls for him to come. If she is trying to lure him away from you, go with him. She'll stop making so many calls.
*Encourage your husband to attend counseling sessions. A Mamaís Boy mentality indicates unresolved guilt, pain or insecurity that needs to be addressed.
*Treat him like a man. If he feels fulfilled by your side, he will prefer to stay there.
It is human nature to move towards pleasure and away from pain. Be sure youíre the one who provides the pleasure in his life. When he sees that she is providing pain, he will become the man he needs to be in order to draw some healthy boundaries in his relationship with her.
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