Guest Author - Lori Phillips
A silent man can exude cool sexiness, but after a while, a woman wants her man to open up and let her into his world. Hereís how to get your reticent guy to do just that:
Common reasons why men donít talk to their wives
They donít have a lot to say. Unlike women, men donít feel the need to communicate their thoughts and feelings to others. They donít want to solicit feedback or need to gather a consensus of opinions as they formulate their thoughts. Men also have an uncanny ability to sustain a blank mind for long periods of time. My IT husband says it is like ďde-fraggingĒ which is a computer term for a process during which a computer is reorganizing its data to make it more efficient.
They donít want to be misunderstood. Some men arenít good at articulating their thoughts and feelings; they often choose inaccurate words which their wives misinterpret, and it often leads to unintended arguments and painful interrogations.
They donít want to tell their wives what theyíre thinking because they know that their wives might not like what theyíre thinking. Again, it is an argument-avoidance strategy.
Men donít want to be judged.Men often clam up if their wives have a habit of judging or criticizing their thoughts. Everyone has a right to his own beliefs.
The silent treatment is a passive-aggressive act. Some men use silence as a way to communicate their dissatisfaction or anger. Withdrawing their attention can be an effective punishing or retaliatory act.
So what can you do to change all this?
Give him time to think. Quiet men need some time to think over and choose their words well. Itís okay to have some silent spaces in your conversation.
Donít interrupt.It isnít that some men donít try to talk; they usually canít get a word in when their wives launch a non-stop monologue.
Resist the urge to correct his grammar or speech. Donít be petty. People who correct others when they speak are insufferably boorish. Focus on what is important: his message.
Listen without judgment.If you want to hear what your husband has to say, listen without judging what comes out of his mouth. You donít have to agree.
Ask open-ended questions. Those types of questions require more than simple yes or no responses.
Keep his confidences.Heíll feel safe sharing private information with you if he knows you wonít blab to your friends or family.
Donít force it or make the process uncomfortable for him. Let the conversation flow gently. It shouldnít be a police interrogation. And if he doesnít want to talk, try again on another occasion. No pouting.
Believe him when he says there really isnít anything on his mind. Whereas women often have a running commentary in their minds, men have this wonderful ability to experience periods of time with a completely, blissfully, blank mind. An uncluttered mind is a good thing. It usually takes a lot of meditation to acquire this much-desired state.
Maintain a happy marriage overall. This way, he wonít feel compelled to use silence as an avoidance, withdrawal or passive-aggressive act.
If you make communication a pleasant process for your husband, heíll open up more and more. Sharing his innermost thoughts will feel safe and intimate, and this type of communication will strengthen your bond every time you connect.