Food and Marriage

My husband says he was hooked on me from the first moment we met, but I can’t help but think that I reeled him in with my cooking. Weary from his own sad cooking results and Chinese take-out, he was thrilled when I served him his favorite dishes from scratch. I’m no chef, but it wasn’t hard to fry up bacon and pancakes for his breakfast in bed. His over-the-top enthusiastic response was encouragement enough for me to serve up more: chocolate chip cookies, cheesecake, pot roast, enchiladas, and anything that would put a smile on his face. (I’m a sucker for his adorable, dimpled smiles.)

Food and marriage just go together
I’ve always told my daughter that the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. But being the contemporary young lady she is, she doesn’t believe me. She jokes that the shortest route to a man’s heart is through his chest. More women today believe that it is degrading to feed a spouse. They feel proud to say that they “didn’t cook” as though it were beneath them. They misunderstand the concept.

Who should feed whom?
But why is it that a man should look to his wife to provide food when he can provide for himself? It’s a rooted deeply into every human being’s subconscious that food comes from a female because infants typically are nurtured and fed by the female’s breast. But not all babies have that experience, and not all men grow to expect to be fed by females. Certainly, an evolved man can feed himself and women today don’t need to perpetuate antiquated notions of male and female roles in marriage. But feeding each other is not about responsibility or gender roles. It is about love and being sure that one of your loved one’s most basic needs is being met.

Food is nurturing
Feeding someone is showing that you care about his--or her--well-being. It is a natural act of not only parenting but of coupling. You are ensuring your mate’s sustenance. Even if you don’t like to cook or prepare food, you can be concerned that your mate has eaten. This sends a subconscious—even spiritual—message to your mate.

A wife I know is having marital problems, and she often tells me that the marriage is over. But I know it’s not true. How? Because of her subconscious actions. While she may think that she no longer loves her husband, she still shows signs of caring such as bringing him home some baked goods or setting aside leftovers for his next day’s lunch. One might think that these are just habits from a long marriage, but they’re more than that. They’re signs that she still cares for him. Couples can live with marital dissatisfactions as long as they still love each other, even when they don’t recognize that they still love each other. Acts of love count.

Do you feed your partner? Does it matter to you that he or she has eaten? Do you like to uplift or nourish him/her? If you don’t think that this area of concern has anything to do with maintaining a happy marriage, you might want to reevaluate.