Guest Author - Terrie Lynn Bittner
From their earliest days, LDS children are taught that they are children of God, that He loves them, and that they are an important part of His great plan. They are taught that education is an essential part of that plan. For some children, this idea comes easily. They go off to school and learn to read, write and calculate. For other children, school is a nightmare in which learning is hard, children are cruel, and some teachers are unsympathetic. These children often have learning disabilities.
A recent study study done by Roper showed that two-thirds of all Americans believe that learning disabilities are related to mental retardation. Special education has a stigma that is soon understood by even the youngest school children. Fortunate children find a kind and loving teacher who looks for potential. Other children must receive all their support at home. The role of the parent becomes eternally essential for these children, who often suffer tremendous damage to their self-esteem. For them, it can be hard to remember that they have a Heavenly Father who loves them and that their disabilities are a gift, not a punishment.
A gift? It has taken me nearly all my years to see the gift in my learning disability. I would have liked it if someone had pointed the blessings out to me sooner, even if I had chosen not to believe them. They still would have been there, tucked away in the corners of my challenged brain, waiting to be drawn out when the time came. Following are some of the skills and blessings I’ve received from my learning disabilities. Use this list as a starting point for helping your child look for his own gifts:
1. I’ve improved my problem solving skills. Because the usual ways of doing things don’t work for me, I have to continually try new ideas for being functional. This is especially true when it comes to organization and memory. When I was taking a college class shortly after my diagnosis, I had to memorize paintings and their artists. I photocopied the paintings from my text and glued them to file cards. Then I wrote the information on the back and made my own flashcards. Other students laughed at me, but one student took my cards and started playing with them. He discovered he could learn a painting in just a few minutes this way, and the next week, everyone was carrying around flashcards. When I have to do something I know I can’t do, I run it over in my mind a dozen different ways until I find an idea that works. Usually, I can come up with the concept, and then I call on a more organized family member or friend to devise the details, which always escape me. My children enjoy doing that part of the job-it makes them feel good to be smarter than Mom!
2. I’ve learned to start over. So many people give up when the first try doesn’t work. If I did this, I would just stay in bed all day. When I teach a bad class, burn the cake, get a rejection letter from a publisher, or make a mistake in a relationship, I start over. I ask for help, make a new cake (or buy a mix), send out a new manuscript and apologize to the person I’ve upset. I’ve accepted-most of the time-that I will make more mistakes than most people, and I should get good at humbleness, laughter and repentance. Little by little, I improve my ability to put the past behind me and move on.
3. I’ve learned to laugh at myself. This is a tough one, but if a child can master the art of laughing about what he can’t do, he will have a terrific life. I still can’t do it all the time, or about all things, but I’m learning. There is a difference between making cruel jokes about yourself and laughing at yourself in an accepting way. When I can find the humor in my need for a navigator, or having to put my hand over my heart to know right from left, or the regular hunt for missing shoes and rice steamers, I learn to accept who I am and to know that I’m okay.
4. I’m not afraid to ask for help. So many people won’t ask for help. They stumble along or avoid that which is hard. There are just too many things I know I can’t do, so I often ask for help. When my children have to teach me to do something, we spend quality time in which they get to be the boss. They like that. Other times, I have to go outside the home, and I meet new people or strengthen relationships. People love to be seen as an expert, so the interaction is nearly always positive.
5. I have new tools for helping others. Before I knew I had a learning disability, I tutored low-income children as a volunteer. When the children became discouraged, I could say, “I know how you feel. Teachers were always telling me I was lazy, and I wasn’t. It hurts, doesn’t it?” I’d been there, so they listened to me. When I told them how I managed, they believed me. As an adult, I was better able to help my children and other people’s children. I try to write often about my learning disabilities to reach out to more people who just need to know that someone else has been there and survived.
This is my list. Encourage your child to make his own list. This may take a while-it took me nearly two weeks to think of five things. Post the list in your child’s room and let him add to it when ideas occur, and help point out blessings when you see them happening. As your child begins to see that Heavenly Father is aware of his struggles and is giving him extra blessings because of them, the struggle won’t seem so awful.
Next week: The final article suggests tips for survival and success.
