This is an article about the third person in my marriage. Another man in my life.

No, I’m not talking about an affair or a relationship where I have more than one husband. (One is all I can handle, believe me!) I’m talking about a man I have known since the beginning of my marriage, a man who has witnessed some of the highs and lows of my life, a man who, one distant spring night, delivered two precious, beautiful gifts to Alan and me.

I’m talking about my og/gyn, Charles Straniero of Prospect Women’s Medical Center, in New Jersey. He is retiring in June of this year and I am going to miss him.

When it comes to choosing a gynecologist today, I know the trend for many women is to seek out the best female doctor they can find. Friends of mine have even switched from their original male ob/gyn to females. I understand it. It’s a good thing for them. As a woman, I especially like the fact that there are more females in the role of medical doctor today than ever before. A lot of women claim they feel much more comfortable with a woman as their doctor.

As for me, I have been going to a male gynecologist for all of my married life. I never even thought of switching doctors. My confidence in him has been justified again and again over the years. He is one of those doctors who can diagnose something easily. He simply seems “to know” exactly what is wrong, nailing it on the head every time. Not all doctors are that good. When you find one like Charles, you stay with him.

I started going to his office on the recommendation of a close friend. She had given me the name of a doctor who was in practice with him, but as good luck would have it, it was Charles Straniero I saw that day and continued to see.

I was a quiet, serious twenty-something when I met the man I initially called Dr. Straniero. It wasn’t until years later that I took the privilege of calling him Charles. We had “been through so much together” that not being on a first name basis with him seemed ludicrous.

In my twenties I was in awe of him. He seemed so confident and sure of himself. When I was in the ninth month of my pregnancy, I had a small crush on him because he always told me how nice I looked. While Alan and I were going crazy with the pregnancy and post graduate classes, Charles was the calm anchor in my life.

That’s not to say we always saw eye to eye. Like all “married couples” we had our disagreements because as I matured, I became more confident in my own skin.

When he castigated me about a weight gain saying,
“I see you’ve gain some weight. You’re too heavy.”

I shot back with,
“And you’re too thin. Don’t you ever eat?”

Obviously “we kissed and made up” since I never stopped going to him.

He has seen me fearful, happy, overweight, slim, indecisive about leaving education, successful in another profession, angry, and apologetic. He has seen me through pregnancies that terminated too quickly, a pregnancy brought successfully to term, and a breast tumor scare that turned out to be benign.

On a warm spring night in May, it was he who was called away from his daughter’s First Communion party celebration with family and friends to come to the hospital to deliver our twin daughters. It was an emergency C-section and when I awoke in the recovery room, it was he who told Alan and me, in gambler’s parlance, that, “you drew two beautiful queens. Congratulations!”

Over the years he became the second man in our marriage.Last year,I rescheduled my yearly appointment and he joked about how I had missed "our anniversary."

“Where were you, Kristen?” he teased.“I had to spend our anniversary alone!”

More than my gynecologist, he became a solid pillar of sage advice and comfort when I confided my fears to him about my husband’s prostate operation, giving him all the information I had from Alan’s doctor.

“Don’t worry. He’ll be just fine,” he said with a smile. And he was right.

No discussion about the body or sex was ever off limits. He never laughed at silly fears or naive questions. He never made you feel like the idiot you knew you were for asking him things you should’ve known.

Comforting and kind, professional and solid, he has been there not only for me but for many women over the years. Not untouched by life’s sadness, he has weathered the heartache of seeing his mother suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease and faced the loss of an infant granddaughter. Yet his humanity and kindness for his “ladies” never wavered.

I will miss you Charles, even your sometimes patriarchal ways, which I always challenged, the weight debate that is now settled, the kindness you have always shown me, even when I was raging with pregnancy hormones or rattled with fear over a missed period; I will even miss the pat on the butt administered by you to let me know the exam was over.

Mostly though, I will miss seeing you and knowing that you really cared; about my life, my marriage, my husband and children, and about me. You took care of the whole person, not just the physical one. You saw me grow from a scared college girl to a successful woman with strong opinions of my own. We developed a relationship based on mutual respect.


And after a career spent being a doctor of excellence, you’re leaving us to go spend wonderful days with your lovely wife Marilyn, your children, and grandchildren. You deserve it. May God bless you always and give you many happy, healthy, fun years to enjoy together.

This is a simple tribute, Charles, from me to you. I will never forget you.
You’re always in my prayers. Enjoy and live well!


Sacred Jude in My Life, Miracles Abound!!